What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
What should I do?
6
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 1:01pm
Here's my problem. I am married 28 years to a man my parents never liked, many problems between them, we have lived nextdoor to them for 7 years last year my dad passed away and it was during a time that we where having problems in our marriage and I was thinging of leaving, after my dad died I told my mom (reget now) about it. To make a long story short we are trying to work things out, but my mom can't except that I am staying with him and now refuses to let hime come to her house and wants me to side with here. He has done alot for her in the past year and he has health problems and he unable to take care of things at both our house and hers, I have tried to tell her she needs to hire someone to do things for her but it just goes over her head and she says he is lazy, I have 2 brothers who live 35miles away who refuse to help because she is HARD to Deal with, so they don't come around.We have tried to tell her to sell the house she is not handy and can't do things and doesn't want too because my dad did those things and she feels her kids should do it. She refuses to pay anyone to help her, like shovel snow, she says its like throwing away her money, but we should do it for her. She is becoming more diffuclt to deal with, I know she is going through a hard time with losing my dad but I just am worn out from trying to please her all the time.
any help on this would be greatful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 7:35pm

Hi Sunny,


Sorry to hear about your dad.


::but my mom can't except that I am staying with him and now refuses to let him come to her house and wants me to side with her. He has done alot for her in the past year and he has health problems and he unable to take care of things at both our house and hers, I have tried to tell her she needs to hire someone to do things for her but it just goes over her head and she says he is lazy,


OK, wait, she doesn't want him in the house, wants you to dump him BUT still expects him to take care of HER and help around the house?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:25pm

Your mother is in the wrong.

Sadly, your mother is forcing you to choose, her or your husband. Pick one.

And if you choose your husband and stop being a slave to your mother, have no fears. She will provide your with myriad ominous predictions of her impending doom. However, as manipulative as she is, she'll acquire another house slave soon enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:15pm
I know you shouldn't have to, but what if you and your brothers pay someone to do the things around the house for her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:03am
My brother does pay for alot of things for her, she can afford to pay but doesn't want to spend her money, only on herself. She expects everyone to do things for her, which we do, but my husband is unable to keep doing everything for her and have tried to tell her of his health problems, she only things of herself and refuses to hear what I am saying. My brother says she has got to start paying for things on her own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:11am
Thanks for your thoughts, it is a tough one, hoping she sees what she is doing, I am trying to stand my ground with her, but it is not easy. If things don't go her way she gets upset and wants to be in control all the time.
I know my marriage has been far from perfect, but I know it could be alot worst and I am 49 years old, not wanting to be single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:06pm

I know it is hard because she is your mom and it is hard to disown a parent. My bf's dad is a really difficult man. It seems either he is okay to deal with (rare), or we are