what should I do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
what should I do
3
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 5:57pm
Ok..I will try to make this a short as I can...about 7 months ago I left my husband because I was 22 and feeling very trapped..We started dating when we were 17 got married when we were 19 we have no kids together but he has twins from when he was 16..anyway my stepkids were kind of hard to get used to but that was not our problem..I started to not ever want to have sex with him..and when I did it made me sick..like I was sleeping with a family member...I was no longer in love with him I just loved him...and I felt that I was 22 and should be out living the single life so I left him...it hurt me sooo bad to do that because I loved him and did not want to see him hurting..I left everything our house my animals my stuff just left..I though in my head if I ever wanted to come back he would take me back..well about two months later he found a girlfriend..so I went out and started dating and found me someone which I moved and hour away with....but all of a sudden I wanted my old life back I missed my husband and everything...but when I went to him he didn't want me back he said why would I want you back when you never even found me attractive and now I have a girl who is all over me all the time..and its true I didn't find him that attractive but is that all a marriage is? he is the best husband ever..cooked me dinner..ran my bath water everyday..feed all the animals for me..we got along perfectly except for sex. anyway jump till now...we are breaking up with the people we have been dating and I'm moving in with my parents who live about 10 min away form my old house where he still lives..and we are going to try to make it work...but can we save it? I don't have a clue..Im still not sexually turned on by him..but I just keep telling myself that that is not everything in a marriage and I don't want to throw away six years of being together over something so small..what should I do..just give it up or keep trying...sorry this is sooo confusing..please help..thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 6:59pm
If he doesn't care about the sex, then find, but I think he does care about it and going back just because you have history together isn't good enough. I personally think if you wanted to save it from the get-go (before you left) that counseling would have been high on your list to see if you could work things out. Since you two are going to try again, seriously consider counseling.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 3:32am
when i read your message I was a bit shocked to hear of someone who has a similar situation as I do. I lack the issues surrounding whether or not to get back with 'the guy' because I am with that guy. I am not attracted to him either and our sex life is really noexistent because I never am in the mood. But he is, and it causes serious problems that effect other areas of our relationship. lets face it - Guys are happy when they get sex and if they are deprived, they are miserable and make your life miserable too. You're right sex isnt everything in a realtionship, but it does influence every aspect of that relationship. If you aren't happy or aren't in love then it won't work. My guy is a great guy he does all the things you mentioned and more, but I am not happy and i dont think you will be either. You're forgetting that you can find someone that you can fall in love with, can have a great sex life with, and do all the small things that a great guy should.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:07am

it sounds like you WANT to be single, but you have no idea HOW to do this. and so, instead of connecting to some "single" life - you immediately hook up with a nother guy, and then when that doesn't work out - you are thinking of going back to your husband....


ok, i don't know if you should or shouldn't go back toyour husband - that is something that YOU need to decide. but i think that what you SHOULD do is start your "life". meaning