what should I do???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
what should I do???
1
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 10:14pm
I break up with my boyfriend last Nov. We been together for 2 years. We have lots of fun together and he tough me lots of things. I moved in his house 5 weeks after we know each other. He never has a live in girlfriend and he is very independent. I always feel he is "the one". I lived all my days for him and dream about getting old together. Until one day he came to me and told me he didn't want to go to a girlfriend's wedding with me because he didn't want to have anything to do with commitment. I start crying and can't understand what went wrong. Later on I found out he been going out with this other girl. I comfirm that with he and he was angry because I read his email. He told me they were just friend and nothing happen to them. I can't take it and crying and fighting everyday. After a month he ask me to move. The day after I move, I was heart broken and find out I get layoff from work. I cry everyday and don't know what to do with myself. I made myself learn new things and make new friends. But every night, I cry myself to sleep. I didn't answer his call nor return email.

Two months ago. I went to his place to help him set up his IRA account(I get my licence and become a financal planner after we broke up). He ask me lots of financal questions and didn't want to believe my advice. I got angry and decide to take off. He grap me and I began to cry. I miss his hug so much and we start to make out. I don't know where life going to take me because I love this man so much but we both are very hurt. I don't know if I can trust this person again or he will trust me again. Now we are seeing each other every weekend. We will not contact each other during the weekday but will have dinner together Friday. We will do things just like in the old days (like hiking, shopping, cooking, watch TV). But I will leave on Sunday to go back to my place. I ask him last week about his feeling. He told me he want to be with me but he needs his space. He want to take things slow. I feel sad about this because I was a live in girlfriend but now who I am? weekend sex partner?

Can someone help me? I can't stop myself to thinking about him. I know we care about each other very much but just don't know how to re-connect. I know he need a lot of speace but I need a lot of attention. How can we do it right this time?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 2:31pm
Sorry you are in pain.

You both have very different needs and very different expectations in the relationship. If you want more (in life) then stop settling for less. Don't be just a weekend sex partner. Set some boundaries for yourself, him and the relationship and follow through. He's got exactly what he wants and you are HOPING it will turn into exactly what you want. It won't.

You have to grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been. Grieving helps with letting go. Also finding a way to improve your self-esteem will help also. Have you considered short term counseling to define your goals, know yourself and learn to set boundaries? It can help.

Sorry you have to go through this. Here's some reading material to consider as well:

How To Fall Out Of Love by Dr. Debora Phillips

Obsessive Love by Susan Forward

How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern


Carrie