What should I do????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
What should I do????
3
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 12:51pm
Long story here it goes.. I was with my ex for almost 6 months, things were awesome, or so I thought, we got along great, had an awesome sex life...and then he broke things off...for the time we went out I actually thought he liked me, only to find out after that he only went out with me because I "liked" him so much.. like he always hugged me and stuff he initiated everything...I was heart broken when he broke up with me, like we are still close friends but I still love him and would do anything to have him back as a boyfriend...despite the fact that he hurt me so much, he has done alot to help me out financially when I needed some money for a car payment, and he is still good to me.. I don't understand what went wrong..I was his first kiss,sexual partner,first g/f..he said that I am just jackie to him.. that the feelings aren't there...before him I had a b/f that cheated on me and I feel foolish for letting him have my heart.. I have a huge insecurity problem, I used to be over 200 pounds in highschool, and that was 4 years ago and I have maintained my weight to 150lbs or less since then.. and I think I am a pretty girl...so why isn't he attracted to me anymore? and how can someone say they like you so much but don't really and just say it for your sake...please give me advice I am awreck...and need to know what I should do....Thanks Alot

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 1:33pm
Well, I know I am no expert, but I had something happen to me in the past that just blew me out of the water. When I dated this guy, I was head over heels in love with him (so I thought) and it seemed like a weekly task for him to try to break us up. For whatever reason, it never happened till I moved. Then, it got ugly and then finally, I decided that I had had enough. All along, I kept in touch with this guy's best freind. When I called him one time (the best friend) to wish him a happy B-day, he said "Can you please talk to him (the ex-bf) because since you left, he hasn't been the same." I reluctantly agreed (after all, I was over him and had my life back together). After a 3 hour phone conversation with the ex, it ended in my agreeing to see him one more time before he left for Germany. During that visit, he brought a ton of picture (which most were taken while we were broke up and "he had no feelings for me and no place for me in his life..." As I am looking at those pictures, I notice something on his finger. A gold ring. A gold ring that I had given him before. He told me before that he chucked that ring as soon as we broke up. WELL, not only didn't he chuck that ring, he wore it EVERY DAY since we broke up. So, I asked him, "When you said you didn't love me, had no feelings for me and had no place for me in your life... you didn't mean that did you??" And well, he spilled. He had loved me the whole time. Just wasn't ready for marriage and such so he lied to me and broke my heart in big ways. Long story short, we married and later divorced after nearly 5 years because I was never able to forgive him for what he did.

The short of it, just because he says he's no longer attracted to you or doesn't act like it, there is a big chance that's not the case at all. That its a deeper issue that lies with him. FOr instance, not knowing how to handle commitment. Or having feelings for some one that you never expected to have. Don't automatically blame yourself. Men make NO sense to me whatsoever.

What would I do? I'd move on. If he comes back into your life like my guy did somehow, make sure that before you dive into anything, that you can forgive him. A mistake that I made that made things worse down the road. Life is SOOO strange.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 2:27pm
i have been in your shoes before, with my high school sweetheart. i was his first everything too. his friends hated me saying i took up all his time which he totally initated, so after 9 months, he ended it, and i got the exact same response "im just sarah to him now". i dont know what to say other than cheer up and dont blame yourself. these things happen, to us all, so just try to remember it will get better eventually. took me almost a year to forget mine, but i did, and im still livin! :) but just try to move on, dont let him back in
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 4:14pm
same here! ex had commitment issue, though i loved him, it wasn't fair that he's always backing away. so i ended it. it hurts now... but it hurts less everyday. good luck!