What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
What should I do?
4
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 9:16pm
I'm a married 23-year-old woman. My husband and I have fallen to a boring routine after just 1 1/2 years of marriage. I've spiced up my life a little and started talking to people online for fun-nothing serious-and met someone online. I've only seen pictures of him and we've exchanged emails. As it turns out he lives just a few miles from me and he wants to meet with me. He's practically ten years older than me. My first reaction was to turn him down, but now I'm actually reconsidering it and tempted to meet with him. I know its wrong but this man is very intriguing and I've taken a liking to him already. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 12:18am
you SHOULD decide first if you want to keep your marriage or get divorced. IF you decide that you want to keep your marriage - you SHOULD stop trying to *spice things up* by having an affair. (yes, I know, all you did was chat, but here you are thinking about sneaking behind your husband's back to go meet someone else.)... you SHOULD stop investing time and effort and energy into cyber *relationships* and invest that time/effort/energy into your marriage.

if you decide that marriage is not for you ---- then be honest, respectful, and honorable and get a divorce FIRST.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 11:26pm
Just what exactly did you expect marriage to be? A barrel of monkeys? If your marriage is boring, it is because YOU have made it that way. So, what do you do instead of working to fix what YOU have broken? You go outside the marriage to find fun and excitement. Honey, if you spent half the time working on your marriage that you normally spend chatting on the computer...but I digress.

So, you're thinking about meeting this other guy because he seems fun and new and a little more what you were looking for than your husband seems right now. Only, when you get married, you are supposed to STOP looking, because in theory you have found the man that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. I say in theory because some people don't seem to understand that that requires EFFORT. You don't just commit yourself to someone and hope it works out in the end. Every day is a new commitment. If you have decided that you are through making that promise to your husband, RUN to get a divorce. He doesn't deserve a wife who would rather cause him a great deal of emotional pain and anguish than be (horror of all horrors) BORED!! And you don't deserve to have him all to yourself while entertaining this other guy on the side.

You are getting your hopes up that this other guy is your key to happiness. You haven't learned that you are the only one who can make you happy. What do you do that brings a smile to your face (that you wouldn't be ashamed about if your husband knew)? Until you find that out, you will continue to look outside of your marriage to find fulfillment. You would be amazed what a little pride and self-respect would do to your relationship. You haven't given your marriage the chance it deserves.

April

Avatar for wishfulkittn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 12:55am
You should only have two choices in this matter. Either you decide that you are going to work on your marriage 100% or you get divorced. You might be bored, but it is not fair to either you or your husband if you are sitting on the fence and chatting to other men. You would only be wasting both of your time, hurting yourselves so much more, and creating more problems than you can handle. Quit talking to these men for a while. See if you are ready to walk out on such a young marriage (and the first couple of years are the *HARDEST*) without giving it your all. If divorce is what you decide...fine. Just don't cheat or deceive your husband because you aren't sure of what you want. Be fair to everyone involved.
Avatar for wishfulkittn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 12:57am
I don't think it's fair that you are saying she is bored or unhappy because she ruined the marriage. We don't know exactly what their marriage is like, how her hubby treats her, etc. It's not right for her to cheat and I strongly discourage that, but I seriously doubt the relationship being less than desirable is all of her fault.