What should I do? - Communication probs
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| Mon, 02-02-2004 - 4:43pm |
So I tried to tell him how I feel and asked him if he can bend and maybe speak to me a little more respectfully and then maybe I won't get so emotional and we woulnd't get into a dramatic argument. He just turns what I say to him into an argument and doesn't think he is ever chewing me out just talking and that's just the way he talks when he's a little upset so I should live with it and not be so sensitive.
I just feel like I'm always going to be in this relationship where he is never wrong, would never apologize for anything because nothing is ever his fault and won't really ever listen and understand where I'm coming from. He is always assuming the wrong thing when it comes to how I think and feel and it's really hard to communicate with somebody who doesn't really understand you and won't take the time to silently listen and then use what I've said to better our relationship. I just don't know what to do. I want us to go to counseling to learn how to communicate better so we can start understanding each other better, but he thinks that is stupid and would never do that. So I feel like I have to go to counseling by myself, which pisses me off that I'm in this position - alone and that I'm the only one trying better our relationship. I don't think he understands how important communication is in a marriage. And compromise.

You want your relationship to become an adult-adult one..... counseling can help you stay centered and give you the tools for a better response. Like instead of taking his comments personally and making you feel bad, you will be able to *react* differently and change the scenario.
Counseling will also help you with your self-esteem. Reading material to consdier also:
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny, by Joyce Meyer
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page
If he won't go to counseling with you, see if he will read one of these with you:
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
My best to you.
Carrie