What should I do? He's not listening
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What should I do? He's not listening
| Tue, 02-26-2008 - 11:14am |
Alright so this is the 2nd time this situation has happened, the first I got angry and told him how to fix it... he obviously didn't listen. So yesterday I rode into work with him (my birthday mind you) and he mentioned something about going to the gym on the ride in (its at work) but sometimes he goes at lunch, first thing, or after work... didn't specify. So I work my 8 hours, I give him some extra time to tie stuff up so I play around on the computer waiting for him to call and let me know he's ready to go... I wait 30 min... NO call. So I try calling him, his office, his cell, I look around a couple of places he might be, can't find him... The bomb starts to tick in my head... 15 min later (and 45 minutes AFTER my shift ended) he comes strolling out, he had gone to the gym. So I try to calmly (without much luck) tell him that he should have called to let me know so i wasnn't just wondering where the hell he was. So in typical guy fashion he says its no big deal, I'm overreacting, he told me he was going to the gym... blah blah blah... Then he proceeds to say something about how his daughter (she's my age, he's 20yrs older than me) would never get all worked up over this sort of thing... And now the bomb is ready to go. I hold it in, repeat my original statement that he should have called to tell me the situation and then of course my birthday is pretty much ruined becaues I'm in a bad mood. We sort of made up and I made the most of it but still... So I sleep on it and with renewed perspective I explain to him this morning that by trivializing my feeligns and comparing me to someone else he made it worse. Which of course he kind of started to laugh and withdraw (basically just asking like a stupi dmale ass). I wrote him a point by point letter stating my feelings on each negative action, reinforcing with good stuff... Should I give it to him? He tends to do this avoidance, laugh when I'm angry, run away when somethign is uncomfortable and although his ex wife and last g/f we're drug addicts and or cheating whores... I'm starting to understand why the relationship never lasted. If this is his reponse to conflict this is NOT going to work. We're engaged to be married in less than 4 months and I want to fix this NOW. I love him, he's a wonderful man and we have a lot in common but how the hell do I get him to listen and take me seriously???

Welcome to the board dixibella,
I think you should give the letter and tell him that after he reads it that you want to talk about it.
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glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board dixibella,
Sure give him the letter, but add something about premarital counseling especially with the wedding right around the corner.
Reading material to consider:
Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Are You the One for Me? Barbara DeAngelis
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Good luck to you.