What should I so?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
What should I so?
3
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 12:38pm
I have been married for almost 2 years now and my husband told me last week he doesn't want kids. We have talked about kids since before we were married and all of a sudden this. I know he is really stressed out right now because he is changing jobs and we are relocating. We are supposed to move in 3 months and he has told me that we need to decide this before the move. We love each other very much and besides this we have been very happy. He did say that if we got pregnant on accident that he would stay with me but he would get fixed. That is fine with me because I had only wanted one child in the first place he was the on who wanted five but he won't try for just one kid. I just don't understand this and I really don't know what to do.

TIA

Cheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:13pm

Unfortunatley, what you had decided upon together before and thru thismarriage, now has changed...

**marsexpert**
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:51pm
First of all, please don't 'accidently' get pregnant right now unless you are totally prepared to be a single mom. I find it strange that he is talking about getting fixed after you get pregnant rather than before. Why is that?

I agree that after the move things may calm down but I wouldn't count on him changing his mind.

'he has told me that we need to decide this before the move.'

Decide what, exactly? THere isn't a decision to be made if he really won't have kids.

What is more important to you-a marriage without children or leaving your husband in hopes of finding someone you love who wants marriage and children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 2:21pm
Has he told you why he has changed his mind about having children? I think that's what you need to discuss first and foremost. It's not fair to you to change his mind about something so important and previously agreed upon without giving you clear, concrete, honest answers. The comment about "staying with you" should you get pregnant would have made me question how committed he is to the marriage. If his reasons for not wanting children have anything to do with his feelings about your marriage, it's crucial to identify the problem and work to fix it. Feelings of stress and anxiety about the relocation and job change are normal and temporary, but it's not wise to make other major life decisions at the same time. Discuss this with him, find out why, and if it's more about his stress than anything else, then insist on tabling a decision until after you've settled into your new life. And be vigilent about using birth control in the meantime.