What Should I Think?

Avatar for appstateangel23
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
What Should I Think?
3
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 7:57pm
I have been in a long-distance relationship for about 2 months now. My guy and I dated before he moved away but we never took the relationship very seriously before so as to not be hurt when he left. About 6 months after he left, we decided we wanted to see each other and we have been dating (not seriously) for 2 months.

I just took the opportunity to go down to where he lives w/ a friend of mine so that I could spend some time w/ him. I told him before making the trip that I didn't plan to spend every single day w/ him since I was originally planning to go down for 10 days. However, my first night there he said, "so you will be here every night then?" and I ended up spending 5 out of the 6 nights that I was there, with him.

We went out on our first "real" date on Sunday night. We had been out numerous times to eat, but never to dinner and a movie. While at dinner, we discussed where we wanted to live in the future and he asked me if I was willing to move out of state. I said yes, and things went really well for the rest of the evening.

My guy and I have always been one of those couples that is absolutely sickening to hang out with. We are always snuggled up to each other and kissing and staring into each other's eyes. However, after the first 3 nights down there, that stopped. I went over to hang out with him and his roommate and he seemed to be in a pretty bad mood. He wasn't saying sweet things to me like usual and he didn't cuddle much with me. If I rubbed his back or arm, he would smile at me and pat my leg or something though. The next morning when I woke up, a friend of his was over and I was introduced as "Tyler's girl" by his roommate. Tyler and I have never put any kind of title on our relationship b/c he has commitment problems.

Last night was my last night down there and he was more like himself but still not completely the same. The reason that I am concerned about this is that I am worried that he got burnt out on being w/ me while I was down there. However, I don't feel like I did anything to bring it on or to push him away considering the fact that I gave him space and gave him the choice as to whether or not I was hanging out.

I don't really think that I would be freaking out so much about this if it wasn't for the fact that I have always had really strong feelings for him. He is supposed to be meeting my family next weekend at a wedding. I was wondering if maybe after the wedding I should question him on what direction he sees this relationship going in. I just don't know if it's too soon or if it will seem like I'm pushing him if I ask. However, in general, he acts like my boyfriend and has even said how we are such a good pair b/c I am accomodating to him and he will do anything to make me happy.

So, should I be worried about how he was acting?? I was thinking maybe we just reached the point where we don't have to be lovey dovey all the time with each other... But is it more that that???

And should I ask him about where he sees our relationship going?? Thanks!! I appreciate the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 8:21pm
How old are you and he?

How do you know he has commitment problems?

'I was wondering if maybe after the wedding I should question him on what direction he sees this relationship going in'

A wedding, meeting your parents and the big talk all on the same day? I think that may be too much.

Avatar for appstateangel23
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 8:27pm
He's 25 and I'm 21

I know he has commitment problems b/c he has told me about them. He is in grad school and he thinks that a relationship is the one thing that could come between him and gettin' what he needs to get done, done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:01am
Well now that you say that it sounds like he wants to finish his schooling before commiting which is important. If he becomes too involved he might not be able to focus on his work. Give it some time until he's finished. After that something might bloom.