What to with step son?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
What to with step son?
4
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 8:45am
I have been with my BF for about two years now. This past Jan. we took in his son of now 15. His ex has costudy of the son, but because of her losing the house, we temperarly took the son in.
He has spinabifada but not that sever. We have only three rules for him to follow and he wont even do those. One is keep his room clean, do his home work and take a shower.
His mom refuses to take him back and I found out that she put him with my Bf and I to split us up. And it is working. We gave her until June 10th to find out what to do with him, but she is playing games. I no longer talk to the son and his dad is at his witts end.
We have tried every thing to make him part of my family and his family has gone out of their way to have him fit in, but he just dosen't want to.
He is suposse to cath his self and wont. He treats us like we are his servants. What do we do? I will not stay if dad backs down from his ex. I would like to know what my oppions are? His behavor is impossible for for us to handle. and even though we have had him since Jan. the dad is still paying child support! Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 11:46am

Welcome to the board capicorndragon,


I would suggest to your bf that the go to court to have the child support stopped since you currently have his son. If his ex if anything like my ex step mom, that will get her moving to take her son back because she will not be happy about the money stopping.


Could you get his son into counseling. He could be feeling like no one wants him because his mom sent him to live with his dad and no you want to send him back to her. This can be very hard on children.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:05pm
The son dose not want to live with us! He has made that very clear from the start! He wants to live with his mom because his mom lets him get away with stuff, because he is handicapped! But now she is living with her mom and grandma dosen't want him there because of health reasons.
We have tried to get him into counciling but he will not go. His ex wants him in a home for mentally handicapped kids, but he isn't mentally, he is physically handicapped.
I know he is a teen, but my kids were never that disreseptful to me, and they went thur hell with me. Thanks for your response and your help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:07pm

Welcome to the board capicomdragon,


I just want to second what Coltara said about going to court to get child support reduced and the counseling.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 3:01pm

This is a complicated situation and it sounds as though your boyfriend is not really able to stand up to it as much as he might.


If this child is not manageable and is creating havoc in your home and relationship, you do not have any responsibility to keep him there. His father must recognize this. If his mother will not take him, then it seems as arrangements must be made for him to be cared for elsewhere - even perhaps in a kind of institution who cares for these kinds of children. The problem belongs to his father, and unless he deals with it, there is nothing that you can do. Of course you cannot stay in a living arrangement where someone is behaving in a manner that is toxic and destructive in various ways.


So, let your boyfriend know quite clearly what he has to do. If he can, then the two of you can go foward. If not, seems like it's time for you to leave.


Best wishes,