What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
What would you do?
7
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:31pm
I went to go see my boyfriend yesterday and everything seemed to be fine. I had heard a rumor that he tried to talk to another girl who lives near him. So I asked him about it he told me that he didn't try to talk to her. When I asked him about her again and whether or not he wanted to be with me he; told me that he wanted to be with me and that no matter what people say that I know where his heart is and that I know who he really wants to be with. So after I left, I got the girls number and I asked her about him and her. She said that he did try to talk to her and she told me that she turned him down she said that shes with someone else but he still comes down to her house. So a few hours later she called back and he was on the phone. He told me that he didn't want me to come back down to his place and that I don't need to call her phone playing. So I went back down there and his roommate told me that he told him that he no longer wanted to be with me, he asked me if he had told me that and I told him no. Then when my boyfriend came back down to his place she was with him and I could tell that he had been drinking. H e got an attitude with me because I asked him if he wanted to be with me or not. He didn't give me an anwser he wouldn't even look at me he just told me that I need to go home and not to come back. So I just sat over at my friends house until I was ready to go. I talked to his sister she had been over at his place after I left the first time she said that he told her that he wants to be with me after I finish school because we don't get to see each other like he wants us to. I thought to myself why couldn't he just tell me that a long time ago. She told me to think about it and then tell him my desicion when I'm not mad. I need someone elses opinion because I do respect what she said it just doesn't help me any. So give me your opinion what would you do if you were in my place?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:11pm
Brokenhearted...

There are some men who know how to approach a situation and BE HONEST ABOUT IT...and there are others who DON'T WANT TO. And it's obvious...that your (former) b/f fell into the 2nd category. Pianoguy could come up with all sorts of names for him, but most of the ivillage ladies have probably thought up a few of their own?

Granted...your b/f WASN'T HONEST and DIDN'T WANT TO BE...and that was WRONG!

But...when YOU start playing "detective" by making phone calls to other women demanding to know his whereabouts---you've crossed the line---and pretty much kissed things off! Maybe it's a feminine trait to "track down the competition and grill them"---but most of us guys view this type of behavior as "mom checking up on us!" And most of us HATE IT!

You didn't indicate if there was any exclusivity in your relationship...or if the thing the 2 of you had was just casual...but either way...the moment any woman starts applying the tactics of "MRS. SHERLOCK HOLMES"...it's often the beginning of the end.

Keep that in mind next time, okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 8:23am
First,"when YOU start playing "detective" by making phone calls to other women demanding to know his whereabouts..." I did not call her to find out where he was I called her to ask her since HE wouldn't tell me the truth and before i called her I told him I was.

Second,"You didn't indicate if there was any exclusivity in your relationship..." he said that he ONLY WANTED TO BE WITH ME so i didn't have to say it. him telling me that he wanted to marry me and that he wanted me to move in also said it for him.

Thrid,Your trying to make it seem like its my fault that his a lying DOG. He did me wrong and he told all his friends, his sister, and his mother that he wanted to be with me and only me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 12:34pm
I don't think pianoguy was placing blame. Just pointing out the "guys" point of view on this.

Your guy was obviously doing something he felt he had to lie about. Maybe at the moment it is harmless, but from his reaction - it isnt or its on the way to being an affair, relationship or whatever you want to call it. She lied to, for whatever catty reason.

The problem is that you didnt trust your guy enough NOT to call this person and ask about their relationship or lack of. Thats a bad sign right there.

He lied straight to your face. Do you want to be with someone who can do this, now or after you finish school? Think you can trust him then?



Personally, I would not waste my time and energy on someone like this.

My thoughts,

PlayNICE

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 1:35pm
I dated someone for so long where I was constantly checking up on his stories, asking friends for info on him, looking in his phone, etc. I realized I didn't trust him, but he hadn't given me reason to - and then I realized it was gut telling me something was wrong - he was cheating on me the whole time - no one wanted to tell me until the girl accidentally told the wrong person who finally filled me in. Your detective work is your instincts telling you he's not being straight with you and sure enough he wasn't - take this as a sign and move on, you'll cause yourself to waste so much time on someone who wasn't man enough to tell you to your face, in a kind way, that he wants a break until things align the right way for you two. He had another girl with him, total disregard to your happiness in the relationship - you should forget about him and let him (and yourself) know you're not the type of girl to let someone walk on you. Learn from it and find someone more mature and deserving - you have school to focus and yourself to better.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 1:50pm
'his a lying DOG. He did me wrong '

Then why do you have a doubt about leaving him?

You don't trust him. He lied to you. You went behind his back and called the girl. This is not the make-up of a healthy relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 4:10pm

I am not sure which way to read this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 5:30pm
If I were you, I'd drop him and find someone worthier of my time. it's a big, deep sea. :)