What would you do? ::Confused::
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| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:27am |
I ahve no clue where he is coming from!!! . . James and I went out close to a year ago for 3 months. We were so crazy about each other, he talked about getting into a relationship, actually freaked me out and I was going to stop seeing him because not only was I freaked that I was in love but he only wanted me seeing him. I gave into this idea, I was crazy about him. I recently let him know all my feeling from the start, figured what would I have to lose, read on . . . I never was with anyone before him, he was my 1st. He was in a realtionship for 1 year then a year went by b4 he started going out with me, out of no where he stopped calling and went abck to an ex, I realized if that's what he had to do then he had to do it. I mean I can understand if you aren't over someone, only way to get over them is to go back with them b4 you can see soemone else. We didn't talk for long time but then he told me he was sorry. So in march he called me out of no where, we went out, he let me know he didn't want anything serious, that he wants to be single right now. I said I am fine with that, I want to be single also. We really get along great and if you know anything about astrology, I'ma pisces, he's a capricorn if this helps you help me any. So the problem is he is becoming distant again. . . knowing that we both don't want anythign serious. I let him know that I just want to hang out if anything. He is acting weird and won't even reply to my E-mail, what's new?! When we 1st started going out, he always talked about his car, boat, how much money he made. I didn't care about this, I acted like I didn't care. He thought I was weird. I think he has a lot of insecuritys and people say to just give up on him, but I love him and I want to get him through this, I think he has been hurt in the past and this time around does not want any type of emotional contact, wants to be single. Like I said I was very open with him, letting him know I was fine with the whole single thing, he even asked me. I am confused as to what I should do and what's going on with him. What would you do with soemone that has no idea what he wants? When we stopped seeing each other, talking, my brother told him 5 months ago that I love him and knowing this he still called me months later. He def. likes me, he shows me those little signs that when a guy likes you. He's shy, seems to clam up, is open one minute wanting 2 tell me everything then stops suddenly and can't speak, gives me those looks still. He even told me he didn't get me???? . . I was like how? :/ Please someone help me b4 I lose my mind. Any advise is good.
Thanks,
~Ash~

If you love him then it sounds like you want more. You two want different things.
Don't try to figure him out. Enjoy his company or stop seeing him but don't try to change him or hope that this could turn out to be a real relationship. He has proven to you a couple of times that it won't.
It sounds as though this guy is definitely "not" ready for a relationship of any kind. He goes back and forth, doesn't know what he wants and beyond that he does not know how to handle communication - just withdraws when he's had too much, leaving you feeling as though you're hanging. This kind of relationship is not good for you - not only is it bad for your self esteem, but it ties you up emotionally with someone who can't really be there for you, or even treat you in a respectful way. You cannot change him. A person only changes if they themselves are willing and ready to face what's going on in their lives and really work on it, (often with the help of a counsellor) to become healthier. You have to ask yourself why you are willing to stay in a situation which has been and is and can only be hurtful to you. You deserve a better situation - one where you can feel secure, respected and wanted. The work you need to do now is with yourself. Build your own self esteem and sense of self worth. Become more clear about what a relationship truly is and what is required of the individuals in it. I recommend you read my book Zen And The Art Of Falling In Love - It goes into depth about this and has wonderful exercises you can work with to straighten things out.
All good wishes,
Dr Brenda Shoshanna
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.