What would you do if u were in my shoes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
What would you do if u were in my shoes
6
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:07am

Hi. I'm new to this board. I've been searching for a board and came across to this one. I noticed people on this board are kind enough to give advice to those who need it. I desperately need advice. I've been dating this guy for about 4yrs and 7mos. In the beginning (of course) we were attracted to each other and admire one another. Well lately it's been a rocky, unstable relationship. I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore because he's getting cocky and getting attention from other girls. We've had a discussion on what counts as cheating. We've also agreed not to do certain things that might ruin our relationship. Recently, he's been promising me that he won't do certain things-that we've agreed on- but about 3 weeks later he does it. Does he do it to make me mad? Does he want out? I feel like he's doing these things intentionally so I can break up with him and so he can tell this girl that he's attracted to "She dumped me," so she can feel sorry for him and maybe consider dating him. I feel like he messes with my mind. He tells me he loves me but doesn't act on it. I'm so confused and I anxiously need your help. Is this relationship worth saving?

-Puzzledforweeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:49am

"Is this relationship worth saving?"

It doesn't sound like it, does it? I believe your analysis is correct: he's waiting for you to dump him so he can move on as the good guy--shabby tactics, but sounds like he's a kind of shabby guy.

Don't let him manipulate you into feeling that you've wronged him; when the break comes, tell him straightforwardly that he breaks agreements and can't be trusted, so the relationship is over. Don't get drawn into a conversation about what he did when, just say your piece and go. Before you know it, there will be a whole club of you who can vouch for his jerky behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 11:53am
Thank you for your response! It is greatly appreciated. I feel like giving up on this relationship business. It seems like I meet the right guy and they I end up getting hurt. Do you have any advice on mending a broken heart?
Thanks again!
-Puzzledforweeks
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 2:33pm

Welcome to the board puzzledforweeks,


You said that he tells you he loves you but doesn't act on it. Well, actions speak louder than words. You didn't say what it was it has been doing that you both agreed he wouldn't but it seems to be with other girl. Gut with your gut instinct and what feels right for you regarding whether or not to end the relationship.


As far as mending a broken heart, what help me out after my last break up was keeping busy. I got into a routine. I would come home from work and watch a tv show I really liked, then work out at the gym for a hour or longer, then come home and make supper, and then reading a book and going to sleep. I would also go out to bingo (LOL) with a friend and out some on the weekends.


Good luck.


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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:33pm

No one knows if the relationship is worth saving but you. We don't know all the details of it, or what has gone on before and now. However, if he is lying to you, if he is saying one thing and doing another, that is not acceptable behavior. You can't believe or trust someone who acts that way. Unless he keeps his word to you, it's really impossible to buid a healthy relationship.


So, set up the boundaries (as it seems you have done. Set clear rules in the relationship. If he keeps them, fine. If not, then it's time to go.


Take good care,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:02pm

Thank you so much for the reply and advice! Well we both agreed on not checking other people out while we're in the relationship...but recently he says comments about girls' body parts (i.e. boobs and butt) after we made an agreement that we shouldn't comment on things like that. We are surrounded by attractive people and I;m aware of that but I just don't think it's neccessary to comment on how huge one girl's boobs are or how round one's butt is. Sometimes when he says comments like that about other girls, I just don't feel like I'm good enough which brings my self-esteem lower than it already is.

-Puzzled

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 7:11pm

I appreciate your advice. :) He makes me feel bad for getting upset at him for bending our agreement. I feel as if I'm ready to let him go. I just don't have the strength to save it.

-Puzzled