what wrong with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
what wrong with me
6
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 11:26am

I have been here before and sort of wrote about what was going on in my life but I was not completely honest about what I said because I knew it was going to be read by the person that I am going through all this stuff with. I guess you can say that my problems begin and end with honesty.


I am going to try to make this short but it's a long story so please bear with me


I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now, I feel it's the first time I have ever really been in love our relationship has been a long hard road because of the things that I have done. At the very beginning of our relationship I asked him if it was okay for me to talk to a guy friend of mine who nothing had ever happened with whom I felt was fat and undesirable and he said it was okay. The truth was that this guy was not just a friend he was someone whom I had had a long term relationship with. I was married to another man while that relationship was going on and I left the husband for my current boyfriend. I did think of the guy I was on the phone with as a friend and we weren't having sex anymore. In fact he lived in another state. We talked on the phone 3 or 4 times a week for an average of 15 minutes. In a lot of these phone call we would talk about the sex that we had together and he would tell me that he still wanted to have sex with me. I would also tell him about the sex that I was having with my boyfriend I would give some explicit details but for me it was mostly about the emotional side of it. I liked the fact that he still wanted to have sex with me even though I was in another state and so much time had past. That excited me. I got an ego boost by the things that he would tell me.


To make a long story shorter, my boyfriend came to the conclusion that we had been more then friend because I told him I had been to Hawaii with the guy. I denied it and denied it then told him we had but only a few times. My boyfriend didn't buy it rightfully so. Over the next I think six months it finally all came out about the full blown relationship. He wanted to know the details and every time he asked something I would lie and say it didn't happen only later (sometimes months) to tell the truth and say it did. He wanted to know about my whole sexual past (I had also lied to him about how many guys I have been with.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:09pm

Hi worldofhurt,


Have you consider counseling for yourself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:23pm

Hi there worldofhurt.


I think you need to take a break from men for a period of years -- and get into counceling.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:36pm

You have to learn how to change your values and that takes professional help IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 9:25am

Thank you all for your advice.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 11:24am

I can totally understand why your BF was/is so upset about the calls, if that's what you're asking.


Honestly, I don't see that why you engaged in the phone calls is important at all---you did it, it was wrong, and you need to own up to that without trying to rationalize or excuse your behavior.


Are you going to counseling separately or together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 11:49am

::According to my boyfriend nobody believe that it could be what I say it is and that is a guy whom I had sex with who was now just a friend who gave me a ego boost by knowing that he still wanted to have sex with me.


For the most part I agree with your bf, it was giving you an ego boost knowing that he still wanted to have sex with you.