What's a girl to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
What's a girl to do?
2
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 5:07pm
I recently found out that my husband of 10 years has been having an affair. I actually suspected that this woman was interested in for some time now. I mentioned this to his various times and he assured me that they were just friends. This woman knows that i don't care for her at all. She asked my husband to be her childs god-father knowing that i would have a problem with it. My husband accepted the title and did not tell me about it, but of course i found out and boy was i pissed.

From that point things just went down hill. He started staying out for days at a time, wouldn't call, said he was on his way home but i wouldn't see him until the next day. I asked him if he was seeing someone or what was going on? He said he was going through something and that i was nagging him. Mind you he's staying out but we have 4 children together. I'm working, going to school and taking care of the kids.

I spoke to the woman and asked her why was she constantly calling him all day and all night. Of course she lied and said nothing was going on.

Christmas Eve i found out that she has been sleeping with my husband for about 3months to my knowledge. She told me herself she also said the nights that he's not here that he is with her. I can't tell u how hurt i was. I've been with him 14 years and have never even thought about cheating.

My question is what do i do? I love this man unconditionally. I can forgive him but everytime he doesn't come home on time my mind starts to wonder.He has been home more and we have been spending alot of time together and now he even wants to go on a vacation. but sometimes when i want to discuss what happened he doesn't want to.

I haven't run into this woman yet but i know the time is coming because she lives in the area that my children to go school. What's a girl to do? Do i confront her or do i just walk with my head high?

I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 5:58pm
I have been in this situation, but playing the role of the child. My father had numerous affairs, and it really hurt my family. I can tell you that I believe if there is a chance at saving this marriage, you should take it. But your husband has to admit to what he has done, and he has to be willing to save your marriage! He has lost your trust and he has hurt your relationship; it will take a lot to get that respect back. There is no reason to see this woman or talk to her, really...it will only make you feel worse. Especially if you feel she is a better "package" than yourself. If your husband is willing to make things work, than work on it, but if he is in love with her and wants to spend his life with her, you must walk away. Remember, you have children, and your number 1 priority is them. If you stay in a miserable relationship where you are suffering, they will see that and remember that. You must keep yourself strong and dedicated to having a happy enviroment for your children; if that means walking away, than hold your head high. Do what you have to do...for your children...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 3:31pm
Have you posted on the Betrayed Spouse Support board? They've been through this and can offer a lot of support.


Carrie