What's Going on

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
What's Going on
2
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:33pm
I have been dating a wonderful man for the past 9 months. Our relationship has been great, and (I thought) had been steadily progressing. My boyfriend had purchased an engagement ring back in October but had been waiting to give it to me (we're both young 21 & 22). He's been really hinting around recently that the proposal was coming up soon. I went to spend the weekend with him for his birthday (we're an hour apart) and things seemed great.. he said things were great between us and even told me he was getting ready to propose. I left late Sunday and he seemed fine. I just never heard from him on Monday. It's been over a week now.
I tried calling all day Monday because I was worried. He called early Tuesday & said that he needed some time. I was lost because things have seemed so great between us. For example, I am applying to Nursing School (which I have been told is very time consuming). I told him my concerns about it being time consuming & how I wanted very much to make things work with him. He said that he had been concerned too about it, but told me that "Even if I tried to get rid of him, he wouldn't be able to walk away." He recently gave me his spare truck key, and has been planning on moving to the town I live in & changing jobs so that he could be closer.
I have tried to give him his space, and the 2 times I've tried calling, I got his voicemail. His family is really upset because he's been talking to them about proposing to me too. I talked to his sister, and she said the only thing he's said is that he wants his "freedom." I don't know if he's got cold feet or what, and it's really taking a toll on me. I know we're both young, but we were planning on waiting until I was done with school to get married. This just doesn't seem like him at all. He does have a tendency to want to be controlling, but I've never given in to him. For example, he's wanted us to move in together, but my parents don't agree (for religious purposes). Currently, (since I'm in school), they pay for everything for me; therefore, I've tried to explain to him that I'm trying to respect their wishes. Usually when this situation has come up, he lets it go.
He's continually done things to show how much he cares for me, and has been very respectful. I've never had to worry about him running around on me or anything, because he's wanted to spend all of his time with me. I guess that's why I don't know where to turn, because although his not calling right now isn't fair to me.. I love him with all my heart, and just really don't know what's going on.



Edited 5/16/2007 1:53 pm ET by mlss11
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:48pm

Hi mlss11 and welcome to the board:


It's hard to say what's going on in his head. Maybe he's getting cold feet, maybe he thinks things moved way to fast, or maybe like he told his sister he wants his *freedom* as he may think he's missing out on something.


Do what's right for you. Sorry you have to go through this.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:48pm

I think the old adage "listen to his actions, not his words" applies here. His actions are telling you that he's not sure about a future with you. At the same time, I think it's disrespectful of him to leave you hanging after nine months of a steadily progressing relationship. If I were you, I would ask him to clarify his position. For example, does he want to take six months off and see how he feels? Does he want to date other people? It's always better to know where you stand than to wonder and put your life on hold.

HTH Freelance