What's going on with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2008
What's going on with him?
8
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 5:37pm

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 4 months now. It's been great and I love him. Lately these past 2 months he's different. He stopped sending me little love messages stuff like that through e-mail or text. He would do little things that would make me melt. Things like that would keep our relationship alive and give it a spark. Now he stopped, when we talk on the phone he's always tired and needs to do things. I try to be patient and understanding because he goes to school and works, but I expect at least a little attention from him once in a while. We had a an argument when he said that he "thinks" he has commitment issues. I was confused because before all this happened he was sure he was committed and that he wants to be with me. Now he all of a sudden has issues. I don't know, he doesn't know anything. He just says he's 100% sure that he loves me and wants to be with me, but everything else he doesn't. It hurts me because I feel like I have given my all and he just doesn't give back. He has time for his co-workers and go out who he met like 3 months ago. Seems like I;m in last place. HELP!

I need some advice on how to deal with it and talk to him about it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 5:39pm

"It hurts me because I feel like I have given my all and he just doesn't give back."

Explain this a little better - perhaps provide examples

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2008
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 5:48pm
What I meant to say is I've let my guard down and trust him.
Done a lot for him and I've taken the big burden he had before he met me.
Which was his ex-gf. She brought a lot of problems, I'm a person of compromise so I did what i could to get her away from him because he literally didn't want nothing to do with her, but she kept bugging for a whole year. I did, she got a boyfriend and left us alone finally and he told me that no one has ever done through so much like that for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 7:01pm

Just my opinion, but if a guy suddenly stops doing all of the romantic things he used to do and now questions his level of commitment it could mean that there is another woman in the picture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 8:22pm

Welcome to the board cool1207,


You said he was doing those things, were you doing them also?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:13pm

Believe him when he says he has committment issues. It's important to listen to what guys tell us and believe it! Having a committment issue means that as the two of you get closer, he gets scared and will back away. He's more comfortable in a more casual relationship where fewer demands are made on him. It's one thing to say I love you - it's another thing to act that way. Watch his actions, not his words and you'll know what to do.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:53pm

Hey cool,


I wanted to reply to you because I am in the same situation as you... I have been with my bf for about a year and a half and he works and goes to school. I think, based on what you said, that he does have commitment issues if he just stopped all the romatic stuff. It might have just hit him. He might still have unhealed wounds from his ex, if she is anything like you said. You have to listen to what he says. I can only talk to my bf once a day, when he gets off work because he litterally gets up at 5, goes to class at 7, class is done at 1, and he has to drive to work to be there from 2-11 or 12. Whenever he talks to me, he always is doing other things and so tired, but I have to accept that this is his life for the next 6 months, and I am just greatful that he takes the time to call me. It's all about adjustment and what you can handle. If you can't handle him being so busy, then maybe he isn't the one for you. If you need more attention, maybe you need to go look for it elsewhere because it doesnt sound like you are happy with the way things are. He won't be inschool for ever, but if he is starting to say he has committment issues, that is a huge red flag and you need to look out for you and your best interests and what you want. xoxo

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

Sara

"Seek to understand and you will be understood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 4:00pm
Hi Dr. Im new to this site and I have some relationship problems that I am desperately seeking to be helped.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 1:04am

Welcome to the board emiko2008,


You will have a better chance of Dr Shoshanna responding to you post if you start a 'new discussion' instead of adding your situation to someone else's thread.