What's up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
What's up with him?
5
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:07pm
I have been dating this guy for over a year now. I've let him know that I would like a monogamous relationship. I know he bought a friendship ring. (he left the email confirmation on his computer screen and then asked me to type something there....) But, he hasn't given it to me and seems to be becoming more distant and saying things that are kind of negative about our future. I feel I am becoming too dependent on the outcome of this situation. I do feel that if he is still not sure about me after a year, I should go. But I really hope that isn't the case. Should I just come out and ask him what's up, or wait for him to finish going through whatever it is he is going through?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:58pm

Welcome to the board loveshouldbeeasy,


Communication is very important in relationship. If you feel something is going on with him, you need to ask him about it sooner rather than later. That way if something is bothering him it can be dealt with in a timely manner and before things get out of hand.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 4:52pm
Thanks! You're right, if I feel I need to talk about it, I should be able to talk about it with him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 6:46pm
After a year you should be comfortable asking him where he would like the relationship to go. How did he respond when you brought up monogomy? What are the negative things he says about the relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 10:51am
I don't think he's ever said anything negative about the relationship itself. I know he would like me to lose weight and get in better shape, but that is more for me. He says he would like me to do that so that I will be healthier and be able to stick around longer! The only other thing is situational. I'm not able to travel as much as he would like and I am not ready to move in together. So, maybe I'm feeling insecure about that. The relationship to this point has been light and easy. When I brought up monogamy he said that there is no one else and that he isn't looking for anyone else. He's also said that he can't imagine his life right now without me. I still feel there is a wall. I don't know whether it's me, or him, or something else. When I try to go there he says that I ask too many questions! How do I get past the wall and get him to open up and talk about things?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 6:28pm

It's really easy to know what's up with a person if we are willing to face what's going on and pay attention to the person's actions, not necesarily their words. You don't need him or his friendship ring to feel good about yourself. It sounds as if he's playing with your head, teasing you, witholding. Why would you want to be with someone like that?


Buy yourself a friendship ring. Become a good friend to yourself. Take your attention off him and this situation and become involved in activities you enjoy, be with people who value and uplift you. Then when you have some perspective, stop and ask yourself if he's truly the person you really want to have a relationship with anyway? Take the power back. You decide.


Best wishes,