what's his game?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
what's his game?
1
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:37am
Hey ya,

I knew this guy about 6 months ago and we hit it off ok. But only after about 3 weeks, we had an argument and we were not in contact for almost 5 months only until recently (about a month ago). The first thing that he said to me was "lets start new ok?" and I decided to give this a try...

I have to be honest that I'm not in love with him...as yet, but my feelings for him is getting stronger everyday... I know for a fact that he feels very very strongly for me as he spoke about marriage and having kids with me...Having had my heart broken a few times too many, I decided to take things easy this time and not be careless about my feelings & emotions as I want things to develop and grow slowly but steadily...I never seriously think about settling down (i'm 27 and he is 30) but after listening to his future 'plan' with me, I feel that it's no harm in giving 'marriage' a thought....and now I find myself loving him a lil bit more everyday...

About a week ago, I told him that I'm friends with my ex (my first love about 4 years go) and him and I are good friends until now. This somehow caused a major discomfort with my bf. He got really angry and defensive, saying that if I care for him, I would not be in contact with my ex in the first place and I should know that ought to cut ties with my ex entirely. He was also angry as he wondered why wasn't he made known of this any earlier. Seeing his reaction, I told him that it's not a big deal as I see my ex more as a friend like any other than an ex. People do make friends with their exes and establisehd a healthy 'friendship' relationship without any leftover feelings. Besides I was being friends with my ex two years BEFORE I met my now bf. But also knowing that this being a 'sensitive' case, I asked him does he want me to not contact my ex anymore as I respect his feelings and opinion more than my friendship with my ex. He said I should know what should be done. I explained to my bf that eventhough I don't see anything wrong in maintaning a relationship with my ex, I decided to cut ties with my ex as I know that this is important to him. I gave in.

However, this didn't end there. My bf threw a 'silent' tantrum and blew this whole matter out of the porpotion. He didn't call me the next day and when I asked, he said that he couldn't take the fact that I was in contact with my ex. I was baffled by what was it that made him so angry now that I have stop contacting my ex entirely. Told him that everybody has a past and my ex was my past that made me who I am now. He told me that eventhough it was just a 'friendship', I may still have feelings for my ex vice versa. I assured him the best that I can that I'm with him now and I won't go back to my ex ever! My bf seemed to totally ignored my all my explanations and my reasons and continued to shut me out. WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG HERE??

After that incident, I tried my best to forget about what happened and start anew. I tell him and show him that I love him (and only him) with hugs and kisses and cards and emails anything you can think of. Reluctant still, he is being very cold and distant to me and this really hurt my feelings. But I'm determine to make things ok between us as I see the whole 'drama' as a very petty matter....apparently not to him. Just when things are getting better betwen us, he will mention about my ex. And now, he is acting 'oh-you-hurt-me-so-you-better-makeuo-to-me-and-be-nice'...

I'm tired of apologising for something that I didn't do wrong. Can someone PLEASE tell me what is it that he wants? TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO

Thanks for reading. IT's kinda long but I need your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:26am
There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex.

Based on your post it seems that your boyfriend is a little immature, selfish and jealous to be thinking about marriage and raising kids. He asked you to do something you were not comfortable with, you did it anyway and he still isn't satisfied. You can't change the past so what can you possibly do now other than put up with his antics and defend yourself every time he feels like bringing your friend up again.

Is he controlling in other ways?


Your relationship started out on a bad note and now it is suffering again. Considering that you are not in love with him, is this worth it?