Whats my problem?! Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Whats my problem?! Help!
5
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 11:07pm
tashfv (iVillage Member)
11:02 PM
Hi everyone,
Hope eveything is ok with you all. Just looking for some advise or support with my dilemma. I will give you a quick break down. Met my DH in April 2009 on holiday. I am British he is Australian. Following this he came to UK a few times and I went to Sydney also. In the meantime we were living apart. Got married in October 2010 and I moved to Australia June 2011. After our honeymoon in November 2010 we were apart until I moved in June. Hope that makes sense. So basically I am 25 he is 31 now.
Had a difficult start! Had to live with his parents for 3 months due to finances plus I was looking for a job and the money situation was not as stable as i thought before I moved which is why we had to stay with his parents. We argued alot as it their house was a long way from the city 2hrs so I was bored, frustrated, tired and found it difficult to find the work I needed as travel made everything take twice as long. 2 weeks ago we moved into the city. Big relief can get around to meeting etc and do a lot in a day. We still have money worries as I'm waiting for my job to start in 2 weeks and we are paying rent etc all on his salary so we argue about food often, going out, getting a coffee or something while we are out etc. So now I'm guessing I feel drained but mostly i don't really want to be intimate not because I'm repulsed by him but I don't care and find it just annoying! I hate it cos at first when I arrived it was passionate then it changed. He still is passionate but I just don't feel it anymore. I hate pushing him away and it's strange for me since s*x is normally número UNO on my list. Physically I still have s*x just because but emotionally I don't feel anything really. What's my problem help!!!!
Thanks in advance!! Sara xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 5:07pm
Thanks! Good advice. I can imagine I could have been holding a grudge of sorts. As before I left UK I knew I didn't want to have any major financial issues when I came here so I would have stayed and worked longer but since he wanted me here so much he could well have exaggerated the finances so I would agree to come over sooner. And I guess everytime I turn around I'm reminded we have these issues that could of been avoided so my happiness never lasts long. If u can think of anything else true.blue.strine and keepingitreal1 I would really appreciate it your answers REALLY helped. He is away for work this week so I have time to sort myself out.
Thank you SO much!!!
Xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 3:44am

Tashfv, I'm a fellow Sydneysider.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 3:00am

What many people don't realize, especially for "woman", sex starts in the mind. We are very emotional beings and if things are not going well outside the bedroom, ie fighting, stress and financial woes, it is sometimes hard for us to just shut it down and be intimate with our mate.

Hopfully after you start working and things get on track you will start to feel the way you used to feel again. Also you have to consider that when you two were apart for long periods of time you

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 1:00am
Yes this was all discussed and agreed and the initial move I was aware that maybe we would be at his parents for a couple weeks if he had any problems gettig somewhere to rent or something but move to Sydney and he would support me for a max of 6 months. So I was sooooo angry when that wasn't the case since he had under estimated in his budget. Marriage councilor I was thinking!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 12:35am

If you argue all the time, that doesn't give you much incentive to get passionate, does it?

You two really didn't know each other before you got married.