Whats wrong with me?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Whats wrong with me?????
2
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 8:37pm

Hi
this is my first time to this board and after doing some reading i decided this was the best place to post my situation, isnt it funny how sometimes we can get the best advice from complete strangers? this is something i havent even discussed with my best friend yet, i will though, eventually

im in a relatively new relationship ( going on 1 year now) and we live together, both of us went through divorces from a long marriage, mine 9 years his was 12 years, and we both have kids from those marriages, but none together and we dont want any more kids, 6 is enough, the blending of the families couldnt have gone better if we did it from when the kids were newborns, there have been no issues, nothing, i can honestly say its the smoothest transaction ever,

in my marriage my ex and i didnt ever fight we just werent in love with each other, we led seperate lives, one of the reasons for the divorce was that i needed more, someone to pay attention to me, love me for who i am and what i stand for, know all my little odd qualities and love me anyway, etc etc.
my BF was married to a woman who is very selfish, in fact so selfish when her youngest sonwas sick with salmonella poisoning ( thank you peanut butter) she called us to take him to the dr because she had no money because she just got her hair and nails done, and this was on her 1 day she has for visitation,

needless to say my BF and i discovered we were able to meet each others needs, we have great communication and can generally talk about anything, if i have an issue with anything, and i mean anything, like maybe soemthing with his kids he corrects it imediatly, or we talk about whats going on, he never pacifys me or puts me on a back burner,
heres my problem,,,,,,,,,,,,

ive ben dealing with some depression and frustration over some personal things that have nothing to really do with him, i work nights and sleep days so the last couple weeks we havent really had a chance to see each other and being tired ive been moody, and very grouchy, even the kids avoid me, well after not really having much time to spend with him and being so cranky and just plain depressed i said,,,,,when we move to the new house i dont think we should move together ( i dont know why i said that) and he replied with "thats fine" i was floored he said THAT so quick, that just added fuel to the depression, so we had a huge blowout, basicly it was my chance to get a few things off my chest, one being that the only time he was every playful or the least bit passionate, or kissed me the way i wanted to was just before intimacy, and he retorted with blah blah blah, imnot changing for anyone, blah blah blah, blowing things out of proportion, it was stupid, the whole comment was made just because he made so much effort in his last marriage to do things the way she wanted he kind of went to panic mode , this is all just an example of things we said, i told him that i dont expect him to change but to value my needs enough to take them into consideration, anyway it wasnt a big deal but during that argument something snapped in me, now i should mention that i do love him, or i did, or i thought i did, hes a great guy, amazing with my kids, amazing with me, there really arent to many major complaints, this argument should not have been a big deal,,,,,now maybe its depression but for some reason when i look at him i feel like im looking at an alien, he tries to hold my hand and i all but pull away, i barely kiss him, havent said i love you since then, i dont initiate anything with him, not even conversation, i all of a sudden am not attracted to him and a week ago we can barely make it from our car to the bedroom, sometimes i couldnt stop stareing at him thinking how lucky i am to have him in my life, and now all of a sudden nothing, not a thing, im dead inside, i dont want to feel this way ,

anyway what im getting to is how can you go from red hot to stone cold within a few days??? i know he loves me, after our argument when i said i need more within an hour of the fight ending he was doing his damnest to show me hes willing to give me what i want . and all i can think of is,,,,,,,,,,,what a pansy, wtf? why would a normal person think this way/ i completly got what i wanted instantly from him and all i do is think less of him, thats not normal for me, normally id smile and think, mani am so lucky because i dont know many men this receptive to thier partners needs,

im just frustrated and i feel so ungrateful and i dont want to feel like this,i dont know, im just frustrated,

thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:41pm

Welcome to the board adaly34,


You mention depression several times throughout your post. Are you seeing anyone for this depression or taking any kind of medication? If not, I think you should consider it. It seems to me that the depression is behind the change in your feelings. If you can get your depression under control, than things would more than likely go back to normal for you.


Good luck.


myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 1:44pm

Hi adaly34 and welcome to the board,


I have a few suggestions.