What's wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
What's wrong with me?
2
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 6:57pm
Lately, my boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot. I feel like I've been instigating these fights for no good reason. I know I still love him, but I can't seem to stop arguing with him. Whenever we argue, I feel like crap and I am afraid that he is going to leave me soon. I don't want to feel this way and I don't want to argue with him anymore. What should I do? Please help me, I don't want to lose the best thing that's ever happened to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 7:10pm
Arguing can become a habit. If your parents argued a lot, it seems natural. I suspect there are underlying issues for why you start these fights and then fear he'll leave you. It sounds like you're afraid of abandonment because you fear you're not good enough, so a part of you makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You probably need someone to help you work through these feelings, someone you can confide in, maybe him. I've found that even when I ignore my feelings, or maybe especially, they just get worse. It's better to deal with them head-on, though sometimes it's hard to figure out what they are and where they're coming from, especially if others invalidated them to you. I guess that's what therapy is for. Best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 12:08am
First, you need to address what it is you are upset about. What is causing the arguments? Is it over silly things like, trash not being emptied, toilet-paper not replaced, socks on the floor, etc....or is it more serious than that?

There must be something going on that is angering you. When people argue, it's usually because they are hurting inside, and crying out for help.

I hope you and your BF can sit down and discuss what is bothering you. It is senseless to break-up and lose the one you love for something so petty.

Good Luck!