when bf planned to get back with his ex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
when bf planned to get back with his ex!
3
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 7:59am
i was toatlly in shock when i found out that my boyfriend was planning to spend some time together with his ex in few months time! this is shocking as we seemed to get along quite well.

my bf and i lived together for 2 years before, then we broke up about a year ago because we used to fight a lot. beginning of this year, we started seeing each other again, on and off, two months ago, our relationship started getting quite serious, we have been spending lots of time together, he told me he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. also, few days ago,he told his parents that we are back together again, and our photos appeared in his bed-room again.i was very happy and thought i was his only girl till two days ago when i accidently read his emails. i was using his computer and his email box was open.(sure, it is my fault to read his email, but it would be hardly for any one to resist this temptation) then i found out that he was in contact with his ex(the one before me) quite regularly. only a month ago, they were still very emotional with each other in their emails and even were discussing the possibility of getting back together.they planned to spend some time together on some quite island in Australia, to find out if they still fit! she asked if he was still seeing me, and he didn't mention anything! you can imagine how shocking i was to read these emails! then i remembered he told me about one or two weeks ago that he planned to go back to Australia for a week in September. of course he didn't tell me the real reason and i didn't feel anything strange either. though few days ago he told me he had changed his plan of going back to Australia, and he was talking about to go with me to some beach side with some friends instead; although their recent emails seemed quite plain, i don't know what happened between these two as they also chat online. i feel totally betrayed! on the same night, i couldn't help asking him if he's got plan to get back with his one of his exes, he denied of course and most disgustingly, he was playing this angry and innocent guy! blamed me for getting jealous for no reason! i can't admit that i read his email because i don't want to give him another excuse for blaming me. i tried to be calm and even apologized to him.but i feel totally disgusted, and i don't think i can even look at him eye to eye anymore. first of all, he lied to me; secondly he was making plan with some other woman while he is with me. i really love him, but in the mean time,i feel that i can't trust and respect a person like this anymore! and for now i don't have the encouragement to break up with him either as i've had once very painful experience, and i don't want go through all this again.

i don't know what should i do? is it still worthy to stay in this relationship??please help me!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 8:22am
I would print this and give it to him. You found those messages by accident and you saw them - you cannot take that back. It is not your fault. You did not do anything wrong and you cannot control what he did.

I would be tempted to throw in the towel and not look back. He is deceptive and a liar. I would not want to put up with this. It is best to end it now before you waste any more time.

You don't tell us your ages - maybe he is still young and not ready to settle down yet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:38am
i am 28 and he is 29. yes, he is considering of settling down.i am hesitate to break up with him this time is also because when the first time we broke up, he had some issues about me which made him hesitate to get back with me in the begining. yes, you are right, i didn't do anything wrong this time and i can't control what he did. my question is: shall i take it as that he wasn't very sure about us as he is choosing a life long patener, so try to forgive him? or shall i judge him as a liar, not worthy to be with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:59am
If he agrees not to go then you could stay. But if he wants to go then you should not have sex or exclusivity with him - you should date other people because that is what he is doing.

Never allow yourself to be treated as a doormat.