When Do I Tell The Truth About My Age?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
When Do I Tell The Truth About My Age?
3
Tue, 06-03-2003 - 9:56pm
I am 34 and have been dating a 24 year old guy for the past year. We get along so well and have just recently started to talk about a future together. Sounds great right? Well the problem is that when I first met him,I lied about my age and told him I was 31 and still have not had the heart to tell him my real age. I want to tell him the truth but am so afraid that he won't forgive my deception. I guess at the time a seven year age difference was a little more palatable than 10 years. I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. Please help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 12:26am
I would say that if you two are in love - age should not be an issue - given the fact that you are both mature adults. I would not condone this if you were 24 and he was 10, but you know in your heart that age does not matter - what matters is living a lie. You have to be honest with him, it's not fair to keep him in the dark on what is quite possibly something that won't affect your relationship - good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 9:15am
Well, let's see.

If you'd have told him in the beginning - it likely wouldn't have been a problem. He has no problem, at least at present, dating an older woman who's attractive, more financially secure, and more professionally and socially established. He's likely looking at those things as positive - and your "3 year fudge" - wouldn't have changed it. Now.....if he's not willing to be with someone who's older than him once they develop the wrinkles, blemishes and signs of aging that he doesn't possess - he'd have left you at some point when your 44 to his 34, was still having him found desirable by those women 24 that he is in contact with. So your "3 year fudge" won't change that, either.

What your "3 year fudge" might impact is the fact that great relationships are built in an equality based, mutually beneficial, honestly communicative dynamic between two people with shared interests, values, goals, and definitions of a great life and how to achieve it. That enables trust - becuase this person is a great deal like you and thus you understand and agree with much of what they do - it is what you do or would do yourself.

So, if telling him now, which is really your only option, destroys the relationship it might easily have nothing to do with the age itself, but with the fact that you lied in order to "get with him" and that makes him wonder what other aspects of you that you've misrepresented or lied about, in order to keep him and benefit from him.

So tell him. If it ends it - something else would have ended it anyway.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 9:45am
All you can do is tell him the truth. He'll probably be mad at first, but if he really loves you, he'll get over it. Ten years or seven years, you're the same person he's been dating all along.