when do you know is time......

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
when do you know is time......
9
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 9:01pm

When do you know is time to move in together?

Thanks,

i_latingirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:55pm

Hi i_latingirl and welcome to the board,


Moving in should be a mutual decision, something you are both talking about.




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 8:07am
How about when you are married? Why do you think you need to live together before that? So you can test drive the relationship and then bale if it doesnt work?Im not trying to be insulting or old fashioned, I just dont get it. Living together isnt really a commitment and I think most people think it is. Sure, its committing to pay half the rent but not much more.Statistically most relationship that cohabit never lead to anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:31am

It's not a matter of "it's time" unless that's the end state you wish to achieve.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 11:08am

When you both want to. Trust your heart and feelings. Make sure you have a firm foundation and both are on the same page, see the relationship going in the same direction and want the same things. Don't move in unless you are clear about your expectations for the future and his.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 11:36am

Hi there, I don't normally don't have time to reply but I had to give my opinion when I read your other responses.
My thoughts are, when you are both ready and both agree on what you want for the future, and talked about chores, bills etc. Maybe when you both find yourselves staying over at each others houses all the time and wonder what the point is of packing and unpacking every day. Maybe when you know you want to get married but want to wait for a while to save for the wedding etc...maybe you'd even save money by living together. Or I guess just when you both are ready to share your lives in every way, and want to be together at night for dinner, cuddle in bed every night etc...

If you are living together and break up, at least you know before marriage that you're not right for each other. I've heard of the statistics but to me they make NO sense. Do they tell you how many people are living in an unhappy marriage because they "don't believe in divorce" or are "staying for the kids" ? No. Probably because the people who don't believe in divorce, are also the same people who don't believe in living together before marriage! For me, I see NO point whatsoever in marrying someone you have never lived with. What better way to get to know someone than to live with them? Then you find out their bad habits, styles of handling money/bills, clenliness etc etc. And therefore see if you would be a good match. You can always get a short lease....then what is the harm if you end up breaking up (obviously break ups are hard regardless). If you're still "dating" you don't see every side of the person, they are always on their best behaviour.

It's different for everyone but I'd probably say you should at least be dating for at LEAST 6 months before moving in. (although, I have lived with my bf since our first date 5 years ago....now we are planning for marriage, but of course that is an unusual situation!)You could check out the "Living Together" board here at IV. They'll have lots more advice for you!

Just wanted to give a different view on things.
Take Care!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 1:53pm

....."Do they tell you how many people are living in an unhappy marriage because they "don't believe in divorce" or are "staying for the kids" ? No. Probably because the people who don't believe in divorce, are also the same people who don't believe in living together before marriage!".....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 2:40pm

....."Do they tell you how many people are living in an unhappy marriage because they "don't believe in divorce" or are "staying for the kids" ? No. Probably because the people who don't believe in divorce, are also the same people who don't believe in living together before marriage!"..

This point I made was just in regards to the statistics that say people are more likely to divorce if they live together first. Some people don't believe in living together before marriage because of their religion, and the same religious beliefs don't allow them to divorce. The people who DO live together first are probably more likely to divorce just because they obviously have more liberal views. (I'm not saying it's wrong to not believe in divorce, it's jsut a different opinion). I just think the statistics are biased.

"....And I still don't believe living together before marriage gives the marriage any better boost or buffer against future problems, doesn't truly "ease" people into marriage because they have the benefits of it without the commitment, and doesn't show whether someone is a better suited marriage partner, etc., simply because of having lived together....."

I don't see how it could not "ease" people into marriage. Living with a SO is about as close to marriage than you can get. Some people have unhappy marriages because they didn't realize their husband wouldn't lift a finger around the house or contribute to the bills, or think their partner shouldn't be allowed out with their friends etc...People won't see these qualities until they have lived with them. Therefore, living together first can decide if the issues they encounter are things that can be worked out, or if they are dealbreakers that will cause the relationship to fail. ANd thus prevent divorce because they won't have married in the first place.

I completely agree with everything else you said.

JMHO!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 8:16pm
After the wedding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 3:08pm

Thank you so much for all your responses. It is easier to make this kind of decision when you have ideas from different people.

i_latingirl