When do you stop worrying about the ex?
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| Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:40am |
I've brought it up loads of times since we've been going out and each time he tells me i'm being silly and reassures me that he loves me and he's completely over her, they've both changed and he could never go out with her again. When we first started going out he said he didn't want a long term relationship but in april he told me he loved me for the first time and said he was really surprised how much he felt for me but couldn't help falling in love with me. Obviously i was so happy and told him i loved him too and since then its been great, apart from my insecurities that i try not to show too often.
I knew they saw each other at parties in the holidays and when i asked he said it was a bit wierd. When he first told her about me at christmas she starting crying (she hasn't got a new boyfriend). At easter i know she texted him asking 'was it just her or did he find it weird to be around each other?' He went to her 21st birthday recently and i know she went round to his house to give him a present for his birthday last month. They went to school together and share all the same friends so i know they're bound to see each other but is it normal that she gave him a present?! He doesn't really talk to me about any of this unless i probe. Is that because he just doesn't see her as important anymore or is it because he's got something to hide?
I'm going abroad for the whole of next year in a month and we've already discussed that we're going to break up. Partly because i don't want to waste any opportunities while i'm out there because i'm missing him and partly because he says he's tried a long distance relationship and it just didn't work. Deep down i know i'd like him to say he wanted us to stay together then i'd know he really truly loved me.
But i can't help thinking that he's just using my going away as an excuse to break up so that he can be single for a while. I know if my last relationship had been 3 years i wouldn't been keen to commit to a 1 year long-distance relationship. My question is do you think he actually does still have feelings for his ex and is just fooling himself and me by saying he loves me, or am i just being paranoid? Or is he just being a typical guy and doesn't want a girlfriend who is miles away so he can go out on the town without feeling guilty? Even though he does really care for me, we are still young, maybe he thinks we could get back together when i get back. He ended up cheating on his ex when he was really drunk and missing her and told me its the worst thing he's ever done so maybe he's just being practical and can't trust himself so is protecting me from getting hurt?
From my point of view i want to break up because i don't want to be missing him while i'm away not because i actually want to end the relationship, if that makes sense! I really need to know if his reasons for wanting to break up are practical ones like mine or if he just wants an excuse to get out of another long term relationship?
As you can tell i've been thinking about this alot and am just going round in circles! I love him so much but i'm driving myself crazy thinking that he just doesn't love me enough!
Any advice would be so much appreciated, please help sort me out!
