When is enough enough?
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| Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:48pm |
My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years. We married young (I was 18, he was 22). Through these years, we've had two kids and lots of ups and downs along the way. At some point about 5-6 years ago, I felt myself drifting away emotionally. He worked a lot of hours and spent a lot of time away from home - and I became resentful.
I feel like I've grown in a completely different direction. I became more independent and confident in myself because I was forced to be "the responsible one" throughout most of our marriage. Now, instead of feeling like I'm in a partnership, I basically feel like I'm living with a roommate. I feel nothing. No resentment. No attraction - physical, mental, or otherwise. No connection. He's trying really hard to change, but I worry that it doesn't matter to me anymore. The more changes he makes (coming home earlier, spending time me and/or the kids), the angrier I get because he didn't attempt to make these changes sooner.
I don't want to "stay for the kids' sakes," but I also know no one would understand my point of view even if I tried to explain it. To an outsider, we have "the perfect marriage" because we never fight or argue.
I guess my question is, is there hope to save a marriage when one spouse has become completely detached from and uninterested in the relationship?
Thanks in advance -
T

First of all, it's not necessary that anyone else understand how you feel. It's only necessary that you honor it. It is possible to re-connect and create intimacy and fall in love again but whether or not that is true for you will take time and effort, and counseling wouldn't hurt.
You weren't old enough at 18 to know yourself let alone make a lifetime commitment to someone. We grow and change over the years - we don't always do it together.