When the Ex Comes Back
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| Wed, 01-07-2004 - 2:57am |
From the time I was a kid (about 10)... there's been a guy in my life. The puppy love guy. His family experienced a lot of tragedy the year I met him, and he ended up moving to NY (I live in TX). Through the years we kept in touch, and he even came to visit a few times. Our senior year in high school, he moved back to TX w/his mom, but stayed less than a year when things didn't work out the way his mother had hoped. He ended up moving across the state. This was a guy who made me believe that soulmates really existed. I was heart broken.
Fast forward 10 years...
After a marriage, a divorce, and three children, I received a call last month...the day after Christmas. It was my long lost love. We talked for hours and were amazed by the fact that throughout the years we had always thought of one another, and had even looked each other up, but never contacted the other. Everything would've been perfect, except for the fact that in the last 7 months, I met and have really fallen for my current boyfriend.
My current b/f is everything any woman would want... he's a loving, considerate, respectful, successful, beautiful man... and best, he's wonderful with my kids. I told my ex about my current b/f and he asked me to meet with him anyways...just to see where it goes (he lives accross the country and said he is willing to move to be with me). He insists that there is more between us (ex & I) because of all the past and that 7 months hardly even gives me a chance to know someone else.
I haven't told current b/f about this at all, because he would be furious (understandably). I don't want to brush off what I have now with current b/f, but I also wonder if I'm making a mistake in not taking a second chance on my past.
I need any and all advice and wisdom. I can't tell if this is a test or a blessing. HELP!

How long has it been since you heard from this long lost guy?
Our Wedding
Sorry but while 7 months isn't very long, your long lost guy is pushing for what he wants. He's not honoring that you ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP currently. He's dismissing it. There is no integrity in that, IMO. And he's already said he'd be willing to move to be with you if it gets to that....means he's already planning it and will expect you to dump current guy ASAP.
It's better to be out of one relationship before starting a new one (even with an ex).
Edited 1/7/2004 2:30:38 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
People change a great deal in ten years. Add that fact to the reality of a long distance relationship and the ramifications of one person moving for another. Now, throw in a couple of kids and the fact that you are probably remembering all of the great things about him and have forgotten some things that aren't so great and what do you have? It also sounds like he is hoping for an escape (moving to be with you after having not talked in 10 years???), an answer to his current problems and has very high expectations of this working out. He is also seeing your current boyfriend as competition.
You have a great boyfriend. So tell him about the phone call and then decide if you are going to meet your ex to catch up. Don't deceive either man and try to look at what is happening objectively.