When he imagines other women in bed...
Find a Conversation
When he imagines other women in bed...
| Thu, 06-07-2007 - 10:44am |
Hi there,
I've heard/ read that sex is an important part to any intimate relationship. But recently my guy offered some information that worries me: when we have sex, he frequently conjures up images of other women. By the way, he says he's attracted to me and I believe him- he doesn't know why he does it. I'm worried because I don't understand how sex can maintain/ foster a healthy, intimate relationship if I'm not the one who's on his mind.
Thanks, in advance, for your opinion. Looking forwards to hearing from you!
J
I've heard/ read that sex is an important part to any intimate relationship. But recently my guy offered some information that worries me: when we have sex, he frequently conjures up images of other women. By the way, he says he's attracted to me and I believe him- he doesn't know why he does it. I'm worried because I don't understand how sex can maintain/ foster a healthy, intimate relationship if I'm not the one who's on his mind.
Thanks, in advance, for your opinion. Looking forwards to hearing from you!
J

Some men need to fantasize about other women while having sex, or even to get aroused. As he told you, it is not because they not attracted to the woman they're with, but for each man there are different reasons causing this. I can well understand why it would be troubling for you, to think he's imagining someone else while making love. Find out how much of the time this happens. If it happens occassionally, it's simply normal. If it goes on most of the time then perhaps it would be a good idea for him to speak to a therapist about it so he could understand better what's going on and be more available to be with you fully.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Thanks very much for your reply. It's good to know that if it's an infrequent practice (i.e. imagining other women while he's having sex with me), it's no big deal. As a follow up question, can you explain to me why some experts believe that sex is vital to keeping couples close and connected? If this is true, I don't understand how sex-while-imagining-someone-else accomplishes this. On a similar vein, I wonder what exactly is the importance of sex for men in a relationship, and can it be fulfilled by such fantasizing?
Thanks again for your help. It's so nice to have a professional opinion about an issue I'm quite worried about!
Jo
Welcome to the baord balou04,
I am just wondering do you not think sex is important in relationships?
glitter-graphics.com
Now THERE'S an interesting question. Do I think sex is important in intimate relationships? I don't know. It certainly has its benefits. For both men and women, it is important purely for the pleasure part. For me personally, it's also important for bringing me closer to my man. But I've been told that women are emotionally focused when it comes to sex, whereas men are visually focused. I'd say it's true in my relationship. I'm left wondering, does he actually feel love for me when we're having sex as I do for him? I'm a huge romantic, which I guess isn't helping anything at the moment. But I want him to enjoy sex in a love-focused way, and I can't see how that might happen if another girl is on his mind. Unfortunately, if I know he's not emotionally aroused when we're having sex, I'm not as turned on. In fact, I don't want to have sex! It seems like we're copulating, not making love. Maybe I'm expecting too much???