When to move on

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
When to move on
3
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:22pm
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. A year ago, I moved to a new city for his job and in April of 2002 he told me we would be engaged soon... well it is not June of 2003 and we are not engaged yet.

We have talked and it seem like when I bring up the topic it is just adding time. My parents are starting to get very upset. They fear he is leading me on and will never ask me to marry him. He says he wanted to marry me and I have not reason not to trust him.

Help! At what point should I say either we get engaged or I leave.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
In reply to: ne_leigh
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:42pm
Now
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
In reply to: ne_leigh
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 10:43pm
Engagement is not the only way for him to show that he is devoted to you and only you and wants to spend the rest of his time with you. Are you sure your not just wanting the "status" of being engaged with a ring and all that entails? Does he show you that he is committed to you in other ways? If you rush him into something he is not ready for it may backfire on you. But if you don't share the same desires for life, maybe you should reconsider where your relationship is at. Good Luck!!!!!!!!
Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ne_leigh
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 11:55pm
IMO 3 years is long enough to decide whether you are a keeper. (ie if he loves you *enough* to want to marry you,) if you are both at least mid 20's & have relatively settled lives.

I can understand feeling hurt a year later being kept hanging after he promised you would be engaged soon. You love *him* enough to be willing to make the commitment (why won't *he*??) You've sacrificed by moving to another city (are you living with him too?) on top of experiencing outside pressure from your family & friends.

I would not force the issue with him. Who wants to marry someone that is pressured into a proposal?! However, after 3 years I would be prepared to walk away from this man. As much as I loved him, who would want to be with someone who doesn't fully reciprocate? I probably would have one last loving heart to heart about *my* needs, goals. (certainly NOT as an ultimatum though)

However after that, I would *not* continue to casually date him, have sex with him or live with him (if you even are) ie continue to give him all the benefits of a wife ;-), if he wasn't willing to make me his. (ie get down on one knee with a ring & a wedding date!)

Best wishes, Barbara