When to say "ba-bye"???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
When to say "ba-bye"???
1
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 12:15am
Dr. Brenda & others.......

My husband and I are both in our mid-30s, no children, been married 4 yrs.

I think that I had thoughts on leaving him for atleast 3 yrs! He is a good guy in many ways, doesn't drink, do drugs or gamble, in fact...he doesn't do anything!! He is a couch potato and as I tell him...he is old fashioned when it suits him!! or his needs.

Because I am the 'woman' I am expected to make dinner & clean, while he does nothing. We both work FT, but apparently to him, whatever I do is not very important! Even though I always made more $ than him...

He seems disconnected from the world, he really doesn't have any friends, in fact..I find it difficult to be his friend. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder and says ridiculous things..He drives me nuts!! To the point that I am never intimate with him, we don't even kiss at all...!!?? He hates whenever I go anyway or visit friends or family. He would prefer if I never left the house!! If I go somewhere and don't make dinner, he always asks 'Did you eat', in other words, he is trying to say that I didn't cook..as if he can't do anything for himself. He trys to make me feel guilty!

As a result, I think I am resentful towards him and usually would prefer to do my own thing...away from him. We never have real conversation and I don't feel like I can talk to him, for instance..I have always wanted to open up a business, but he never asks me about it, even though I have done a lot of research and did a Biz plan, etc.. He thinks that I should 'calm' down and have a child and basically forget about my dreams!

Occasionally, I have to travel for my job, usually a few days. He thinks that I should not have to go?? He doesn't understand that I really have no choice! He also mentioned...'how will you do that with a child', as if the child would 'only' be my responsibility!? I'm so confused and know that we should go to counseling, and I think he would go, although he thinks that I am doing something 'wrong' by going out occasionally to be with a friend or family..?

I am afraid that I will stay for years and be miserable and unhappy. I am already unhappy and feel like my clock is ticking! I would like a family, but am so unsure at this time what to do.. I am also afraid that counseling with be a long process and if I'm ever to have a child, I need to make some decisions...fast!!

Thanks for any advice..I truly appreciate it!!

Lee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 8:32am

It seems as though he has no ambition and expects you to be the same. To desert your dremas as he intend you to do will be compromising your character, your beliefs and will in turn lead to even more resentment. My question to you is why havent you left this man already? You are trying to make excuses as to why you shuld stay with him when in reality, you should have left awhile ago. He has no endearing qualities and you rarley speak, let alone be intimate.....this is how you wanna spend your life?When you could be with someone who respects you and your dreams..


You know deep in your heart what you need to do, i just hope that you remember that you have alot of support backing you on whatever you decide.


Keep in touch.