When their "best friend" causes problems
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|Sun, 03-02-2014 - 4:38pm|
I've been dating this guy for six months. Great connection. Definitely both talking long term. His best friend moved back to town from out of state a few months ago. This friend caused us our first fight. 5 of us met at a party that my bf and I planned to go to for a month. I invited everyone along to be nice including the besties fiance because they were hanging out with us beforehand. We get there and his friend didn't want to go in so the two of them stayed in the truck. I had bought everyone beer (although I don't drink it) and went outside several times to ask my bf to come inside along with his fiance who was doing the same. My bf didn't even come in to tell my very good friend who we've hung out with before happy birthday and I was hurt over it. I ended up crying and leaving. His friend took him home and later called to tell me how stupid the fight was etc etc as if it were his business. We have had one other fight and of course the friend was there to witness parts of it. Again due to the friend getting in the way of our plans (seemingly on purpose the more it happens) The friend didn't know what the fight was over because it is none of his business. The problem mainly both times was that I was expressing to my bf how his actions were making me feel and he wasn't acknowledging them. But thanks to both of these "fights" we have worked out a better way of communicating.
I'm pretty sure the friend has said negative things about me because my bf has mentioned a couple minor things about how his friend dislikes that I talk about work etc etc. But my bf doesn't agree with most of the things his friend says so he doesnt usually bring them up. Same thing on my end.... But twice his friend has been passive aggressively making comments about me being a "drama queen" and a "liar" which I ignore because he is my bfs best friend.
So. My bf hasn't been driving for 3 months because he is waiting to go to court to get his license straightened out. I've been giving my bf at least one ride nearly every day (2 hr task) not getting gas money or asking for it. A week or so ago I had to switch vehicles with my mom and she asked that I not overdrive it. Being that my bf has family, friends, and co-workers that he could ask for rides I told him I could no longer give him rides for the time being.
A few days ago on my bfs birthday we were hanging out in the mountains. Bf, bestie, and besties fiance were drinking beer. We get in to leave and brought the empty bottles with us. I told my bf to be sure not to leave any bottles in the vehicle (no trunk) because I use it for work and would get in serious trouble. Bf has left an empty can two separate times when he is working on the car. Never made a big deal. Next morning after his birthday I found an empty bottle. At this time I set some boundaries about him drinking at my house and staying over during the week. Basically asking him for a little space so I can concentrate on work (I've been working 60 hrs or so a week for 2 months) along with some family stuff. I've been getting more and more exhausted.
The next day the 4 of us were hanging out again and my bf made a comment on how he was not going to drinking anymore. Again I only said he couldn't do it at my house during the week. Didn't say anything about him not drinking ever or anywhere. His friend commented "oh right, cuz that's what got you in trouble in the first place"
Later in the day his friend texted me "sad to even have to ask but could you give him a ride after work." I told him that I couldn't because I had a work dinner party (which the 4 of us talked about earlier) and his friend responds "figures. Your relationship is so sad. He is smart enough to figure that out."
I told bf about this and he contacted his friend and his friend said he was sorry for stirring up sh.... pretty sure the apology was to bf and not me. SO How do I address the issues with the friend?! On the one hand I think bestie is jealous and purposely doing things to get in the way because he doesn't like me but I don't know the right way to bring it up to my bf. I've even half thought that his friend left the bottle in the vehicle on purpose. I also don't feel the need to justify myself to his friend. It is none of his business. But I know that at this point I don't know how many more times I can bite my tongue.