when will he ask me to marry him?
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when will he ask me to marry him?
| Sun, 09-26-2004 - 7:11pm |
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. We've been living together for the majority of our relationship. We have talked about marriage and I don't know what he is waiting on. He says it's "just a ring", and he's not ready to ask me yet, because he's too young. He's 23! He says I have nothing to worry about, that he is going to ask me, he's just not ready. I told him that age doesn't matter if you really love someone and want to spend your life with them it doesn't matter how old you are(within reason). Again, we have been dating for more than two years. He says he wants to get married when he's 25. I can't wait that long though. I'm 21 and I want to get married sooner because I want to start my life. I have values and I want to start my life meaning in the order I feel is necessary. All I want is for him to ask me to marry him. We don't have to get married next week, I just want to know that he is committed to me. I don't want him to think we can live together without a plan for the future. I feel like I'm being used for something, and I'm feeling cheated if he won't give me a timeframe as to when he's going to ask me. What do you think I should do?

Pianoguy thinks you're pushing things. SO STOP IT!
Your b/f has told you he wants to get married at 25, which is 2 years away. Perhaps he wants to 'build up a nest egg' in the event you start a family quicker than you expect?
There's also the fact that he might be seeing "sides of you" that he's not too comfortable with?
While it's understandable for a woman in a 2-year relationship to WANT a commitment, he DOESN'T have to make one now...or anytime soon. Then again...you DIDN'T have to agree to live with him before marriage, did you? So if you feel you're being used...find a new place to live and regulate the amount of time you wish to be with this man.
Sorry if this sounds cold, but you're looking at marriage based upon YOUR OWN VIEWPOINT and not as a "shared relationship"---and with that type of attitude, it's destined for failure before it begins!
Pianoguy
Best wishes! Holla!
-Tracy
Honey...heads up - YOUR values, principles, ethics, morals, and standards are YOURS...not his.
He's not violating your ethics and principles and values by living with you - but you are violating those by living with him.
A relationship isn't a goal - it doesn't make you what you're not.
I hear what you're saying - it's codependently dysfunctional. It's 'I don't want to develop interests, pursuits, goals, and commitments until I've got a relationship so that I can do whatever he's interested in, and can share his priorities by adopting his."
Won't work......
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Well, he pressured me about getting married sooner, and he had all sorts of reasons and he even used the saying "age doesn't matter." I had doubts and I expressed them but it finally ended up with us getting married. I know it is partly my fault, I am not saying he twisted my arm. Anyway, a year later we were divorced. It wasn;t a big huge fighting divorce, but he and I both realized we had been too young. He was 23 at the time we got married.
Women and men change alot between the ages of 19-25. The person I was 2 years ago is completely different. Him and I both had a lot to learn about ourselves before we settled down. I think if we would have waited like I wanted, we would never have gotten married.
I sort of resented all the pressure once the wedding was done and doubts I had, and the problems we never thought would pop up, did and we were not prepared.
Haven't you heard of the new trend called "starter marriages?" it's when people get married too young 19-24 == then get divorced after a year or 2. You may say it won't happen to you but it can and the # of people getting divorce is very high esp. when they get married before 25. Waiting is always better. 25 is a decent age to get married.
Please don't be one of those women who only care about the ring and the wedding b/c once the wedding is over, your life will be just normal and you will have to deal with him for possibly the next 50 years.
I suggest if he's not ready, that when he does propose, you do premarital counseling -- that way you can straight on the right path. Most churches have the counseling for free and everyone should go - even if you 2 are getting along just fine.
You say you want to get your life started... your life started on the day you were born. What is it that will happen after you get married, besides the fact that you will have some photographs, a ring and a new last name??? You 2 are already living together, probably having sex, dividing up chores... what is it that you will think will happen??