When your husband dosent love you
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| Sun, 01-13-2008 - 3:53pm |
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now and I am 21 weeks pregnant with our first child. My husband has been going through a lot lately. His mother passed away a few months ago and there is things with work doesnt sit well with him. And what I mean by that is from what I can say as he is in Military Intell. There are things he knows or participated in that upsets him and its hard for him to deal with. He has been very depressed lately and lacks interest in a lot of things. He's always playing W.O.W. Well anyways recently he tells me about how he is feeling and is not sure about if he wants to even be married. He is always on wow because its his way of dealing with himself. Like he can go and be someone else. He says we lack common interests which is partly true. But the main reason for me writing this and where our problem lies is when he tells me that he has no romantic feelings of love for me anymore. I asked how long he felt this and he said about 2 years since we moved to this duty station. He says he has tried and is trying to work on it but cant promise anything. That he needs time. He still cares about me and my welfare but has no interest in me romantically. We have had sex several times since this has been brought up a couple times he has intiated it and the other has been me. But I guess sex is just sex? Lately he has been trying to help me or encourage me to be more independent. I fear that because the reason is eventually I will have to be dependent on myself. Its just so hard dealing with this when I am 5 months pregnant with our first baby. Hes excited about our baby but I can't completly feel the same way knowing I don't have the love from him entirely. Its just a downer and a struggle I have been dealing with silently and I just want to explode. I wrote him a letter saying the reasons why I love him but that seemed to upset him. And all I can do in all this is just sit and wait for him to decide whether or not he wants to be with me. And I suppose if I was not pregnant he would have been more inclinded to separate. I don't understand how someone could fall out of love with another. Maybe he is bored with me all I know he just wants to be left alone most of the time. He still snuggles once in awhile which gives me hope. Anyways I feel so lost and confused and I just needed to vent with out any judgements made. Thanks for listening

Welcome to the board kittycats,
Sorry you are going through this.
No he would not. He told me he is not interested in marriage counseling maybe when hes ready personal help but with his position any request in help would take away his security clearance. I guess I just have to wait and hope he comes around who knows?
Welcome to the board kittycats0900983,
Since he won't go to marriage counseling with you, I think it would be a good idea for you to go to individual counseling. It will give you a place to vent and help you work through your feelings and may help you become more independent.
I am sorry you are going through all this. Best of luck to you.
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Why are you waiting for him to make the decision?