Where are we going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Where are we going?
2
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:30pm
I mentioned in my previous message that I was dating a 36 yrs old guy. We went on small vacation for 4 days. It went well. We did a lot of activities, including snorkeling, surfing, and canopy. I enjoyed the time. He said that too, but he was a little quite. We didn't talk anything about us until last day. We were sitting together on the beach in front of Hotel waiting for the sunset. Another couple came and started talking. The lady asked if we are in honeymoon, he said no. engaged? no. living together, no. She asked some question about our relationship. He said we just going out. I felt sad about his answer. I didn't say anything until we were alone later. He asked me if I was not happy with the conversation. I asked him what his definition about our relationship. He gave me some explain which doesn't explain anything. I asked him "are we serious". He said yes quickly and gave me a quick kiss. I hardly heard his answer and I asked again. He said that means yes. That is all about the conversation. On the flight came back, I was joking about this. He tried to avoid talking.

We didn't see each other since we got back Monday. I was busy. We talked Wednesday night. However, I called him last night. I heard the phone is picked up and disconnected. I called again. The phone was turn off. I left the message. An hour later, I called again. The phone was on, but no answer. He never did that before. I feel really frustrated. Why? Should I ask him tonight? Also, I wonder where our relationship going in his point of view. I wonder if he is going to break up with me tonight. I like him more and more these days. I am afraid I am fall in love with him. I really confused where he is now. What should I do? Advice please!

He emailed me this morning that he was out for dinner. I wonder why he pick up the phone, but turned phone off when I called him last night. I felt bad about this. I don��t call him often. Normally, he answer the phone even he is out drinking with his boss. I don’t call him at work or at home. Neither does he. Why he did that last night? Was he out dating someone? Should I ask him tonight?

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Here was I wrote before the trip

I have dated a 36 yrs old guy since last Oct. We are going slow, but in good ways. We saw each other once per week or per two weeks. Lately, we see each other more and we stay over night. He is nice guy, sweet, passion, smart. I like him a lot. We enjoyed the time together. However, he canceled the date more than twice in these three weeks. I was afraid we are going to break up. He stays with his shy younger brother. He told me that he always go out with him. I am confused about our relationship now. I don't know where it will go? I am thinking serious relationship. He told me that he don't want up there alone. We dated about 6 months now. How can I figure out what he is thinking about our relationship? We have short driving trip, but we are going to travel to Latin American in 10 days. How can I deal with it? Should I ask him about our relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 11:34pm
I dated countless men (I did not sleep with many) before I finally married at age 40. I have now been married for six years and my husband still walks me to the car holding an umbrella over my head when it rains. He is thrilled to see me everytime I walk in the door. He is totally devoted to my daughter and me. I speak from experience, so please trust me on this one. Don't bother with ANY guy who doesn't bend over backwards to make you happy. I would not call him ever again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:57am
Thanks! Now we get back about 3 weeks now. We still went out once or twice a week. He was away one weekend and I was away other weekend. We didn't spend much time together. I talked with him last Friday about spending time together. I told him that I'd like to spend more time together. We didn't spend last weekend together since I was away to see my sister who is going to get married in August. I didn't invite him to go with me, but he told me that he can't go. I went to with one of my friends. He asked the name of the person who went with me before I went. I didn't tell him. I feel I am doing my things, just like he like to do his own things, if he doesn't want to go with me, I don't have to tell him. Then he said talk to you tomorrow--Sunday. I didn't call him Sunday and he didn't call me either. Monday, we exchange emails and he asks me for coffee. Last night, we went to book store and then have coffee. He didn't talk anything. I was talking about my sister's wedding. We didn't stay long. He drove me back to my place, but he didn't want to stay. Then I asked if anything going on. He asked me that what I talked about my sister's wedding is impacting to our relationship. He told me that he is not serious. He said he was thinking about what I say that he doesn’t want make (travel) plan with me. I was shocked a little bit. We had this conversation before. He gave impression that he was. I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to react. Finally, he stayed over and left early at morning.

I am really confused or sad now. I don't know what to react. I told him I liked him right after we got back from the trip. Does he freak out by that? or by my sister's wedding or because of his job. He was going to transfer his job, but his boss decided not to go to the new place yesterday, which is he prefer. Does he stress out by job? Does he telling me that he wants to break up now? We didn't talk much last night. I was too tired from work. I feel we didn’t get time to discuss this, which maybe is his intention.

What should I do now? I am really sad. I like him more and more. I don’t know if he is going to call me or not.---he sounds we are not stopping to see each other. Should I just leave him without any talk any more? If we are going talk more, what should I talk? He said he felt better after he told me this, otherwise he felt guilty; and he said he can tell it was starting to bother me now. I like him. I don’t know what to do. I like him to be happy. If break up is what he wants to do, I will let him go, even I am very sad. I just don’t know how to tell him and I don’t know how long I can get over him, because I like him a lot. Advice Please!