Where do you draw the line?
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| Sat, 07-07-2007 - 11:08pm |
I find myself in quite the predicament, and am hoping that you can give me some advice. I am a 25 year old athletic female, married to a guy from the Caribbean, living in the Caribbean for about three years now. I am constantly confronted with difficulties in my relationship with my husband which are leading me to believe that it is time for me to move on. I have no children, and he has a son that lives in the states and a daughter that lives here.
Just to give you a brief backgroud, I have recently returned from my older brother's wedding in the Western United States. In which I went up and enjoyed some time to myself hiking and spending time with family members for 2.5 weeks. In the Caribbean, my husband and I own a successful business in a resort town. He stayed and ran the business while I was away. Due to sports and his daughter's school and the business he decided to stay-although I believe if he really wanted to attend the wedding with me, he could have.
Lately I have felt as though I want out of the business because it stresses me out too much. On top of that I have a rocky relationship, and am feeling that I would like to take some time to myself. So I guess that I am here in the Caribbean wondering if I should sell the business and get out-or work my way through something that I have committed whole heartedly to.
Since I have returned (like within the last 24 hours) he was late to pick me up from the airport by 45 minutes, we had some lame sex and he didn't really seem like he was in to it, we have barely communicated about anything. Until tonight. We are driving down the road together and he tells me that he spoke to his son's mother regarding his US Visa (of which I took basically a week out of my life to help him obtain). Prior to this conversation he made a statement one time about how he "wanted to surprise" his son's mother with a visit. His son's mother knows nothing about myself, our marriage, or our business together. I do know who she is, and she has briefly met me, although most likely wouldn't recognize me unless she saw me again at work-as she once came and used our facility. Anyway, back to tonight. He says that he told his son's mother that he had applied for the visa but was not yet sure if he got it, and that if he had to meet too many requirements he wasn't going to deal with it. She then asked him what it was that made him apply for it, after so many years of not really making an effort to obtain one. Of which he replied that he did it for his son.
My problem is in that he lied about it. And always has lied to them about our relationship, or kept it unknown to them (through secrets,lies, and silence). After hearing this I told him that I was confused and not alright with how he lied to her. Furthermore, because she/they do now know about me-I am not sure that I want him going up there to visit them. I understand that we are talking about his son, but at the same time I am wondering where you draw the line?
Thank you for your time.

Welcome to the board ylime_32,
Wow, he's keep you a secret... that is a RED FLAG. You don't say how old his son is BUT wanting to surprise the mom with a visit is a red flag.
i agree with everyone else.....you have to decide that you've seen to many red flags and deal killers and do what you need to to move on.
Sorry you have to go through this.