where do you draw the line?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
where do you draw the line?
3
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 7:14pm
my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year now. it seems as though we fight a lot...especially since the newness of the relationship has worn off. i love him more and more as time goes by, but our fights get so frustrating. A lot of the times it's me that is the one upset..and it's always me who's mad. he tries to take part in making things better by asking me what he can do. i feel like it's one thing after another that i'm upset about (although we have periods where everything goes great). i'm starting to feel like something is wrong with me.. also his life is taking on a different path, as he's graduated from college and now starting his career. my questions is, how do you know where to draw the line and throw the towel in? and how do i know if this problem is with me and not us? some ppl say that it's normal to fight the way we do and some say it's not (either they fight a lot in their relationship too or they're not in a relationship). i sometimes feel with each fight that i'm ready to give up.. some advice would really be helpful. i really do want to be with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 7:42pm

Hi pumagirl and welcome to the board,


Can you give an example of what you fight about or what makes you upset?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 7:53pm

thanks for the welcome =)

let's see.. recently we've been fighting because i feel like his job is not only taking most of his time, but his focus, too. he's too tired to talk on the phone, he gets cranky, and he doesn't even notice when i'm upset even though i tell him. i'm trying hard to be understanding because i know that his career comes first, but i really feel like i'm being pushed to the side. i tell him this but he doesn't hear me because he's so caught up in his thoughts about work. we had a talk today and he says he'll try to make more time for me. a lot of the times, our fights aren't as serious. it's usually the small things, like him always having to do something while on the phone with me even though he is the one that called me, that gets everything started. a lot of the small things turn into big fights.. maybe i'm too uptight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 9:58pm

Hi again,


I think you would get a lot out of the book Five Love Langauges by Gary Chapman. I'd guess that you are a Quality Time person, meaning in order for you to feel loved by your partner, you need you partner to spend quaility time with you.