Where to live after remarriage
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| Mon, 06-21-2004 - 9:52am |
Bill has been living in his house for 18 years. He recently told me that if we were to marry, he would want me to move into his house and live there with him until his son is out of HS (ie, if we married next summer, for another three years). Then we could find (or build -- Bill has a fair amount of money, so this would not be a problem) our "dream house". Bill also told me that he doesn't really like the community where he now lives (we live in different areas of a big city), and is looking forward to getting out of there once his son is out of HS.
Bill told me he'd want me to move in with him because 1) he doesn't want his son to have to change high schools, 2) his son is a "rising star" in basketball. If the son changed schools, he'd be "on the bench" for a year (this has something to do with local rules and HS politics, I believe), and 3) if we married and moved to a new house, not only would Bill have to pack up and move his stuff (which has been accumulating for 18 years) once, he'd have to do it all over again in 2-3 years when we moved to our "dream house".
I have told Bill that I could never live with him in the house he now owns. My reasons were:
1) The house is and always will be HIS house. It would never feel like our house, let alone my house.
2) There is no room anywhere for any of my furniture or things. My stuff would all have to go into storage. I'd be using all his furniture, his dishes, his towels, etc. This point is almost a continuation of #1 above.
3) I don't like the house very well. It's not one I'd ever choose to live in.
4) He lived there for 15-16 years with his now deceased wife. Memories of her can't help but permeate the place.
Bill was surprised at how strongly I felt about this. He thinks I should be more willing to compromise about this. I told him I think most women in my position would feel the same way, and he totally disagreed.
What's your feeling about this situation?

So, this is a temporary thing. I say that you hire a decorator to "marry" your things in the old house so you can feel that it is new enough to be able to live in for a few years. Maybe you can remodel/redecorate so it is nice for you both now and then nice to sell later. I see so many shows like "sell this house" and such on the home and garden channels - I don't see why you can't do that now. It will make everyone happy and give you a house to sell later that is worth more.
In the mean time, you can begin research for the new house and location. That will be a good place to put your focus.
The right answer is the answer that is right for everyone.
Sounds to me like he just needs to move some of his stuff out of the house and make room for your furniture and things to make you feel more at home there for a couple of years. You can start planning and building your dream house now so you have something to look forward to.
Either that or wait a couple of years to get married.