Where is the love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Where is the love?
4
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 7:49am
I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years now. And i have to say these 3 years are tough.He had a very difficult time.He lost his company, he lost his mother,basically he went from Mr. Everything to Mr. Nothing. I was and still here for him and gave him all the support i can, both mentally and fincially.And now,he's back on with his mind set in his career.I feel neglected. He doesn't visit me anymore.He doesn't ask me out anymore. Whenever i ask him to see if he wants to go out,He doesn't want to and say he has no time and he's tired and wants to sleep. But then i found out that he has been going out with his friends.I was totally upset and heartbroken coz obviously he has time for his friends but not me. So am i not his friends at all? And now, he say that the "feeling" for me is gone, he wants me to be his best friend instead of girlfriend.He also said that he doesn't want to lose me. Where has all the love gone? Where was all the passion that we had before? What should i do now? I don't want to lose him either. I love him. How can we rekindle our love again? please help me.thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:54pm

Not that its an excuse, but it seems like because you have been together so long, he feels as if he doesnt have to try- or doesnt owe it to the relationship to try to make things work. I dont think he means too, but right now, he has put more emphasis on his freinds that maintaining the relationship he has with you...maybe he doesnt feel the strain??Have you voiced these concerns to him?I would.If you already have, do it again...


If this becomes a regualr habit of his, then you might want to find either another way of approaching this, or another boyfreind...


best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 3:41pm
yes, voice your concerns and hurt feelings to him. if it happens again and again, perhaps taking a break would do it. sometimes, men don't know what they've got till it's gone. maybe that'll wake him up.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 5:01pm

Sadly enough it is not unusual for someone who has gone through a hard time to let go of the people who were there for them during that period. It reminds them of the difficulty and weakness they felt. There is really nothing you can do to re-kindle this relatinship as it takes two people to want to do that and it sounds as though he doesn't. It also sounds as though he wants you to just keep giving, without getting much back in return. I would just let go here. Do not continue the friendship. Let him see what it's like not to have you in his life and how valuable you truly are. Respect yourself and realize that you are loyal and a wonderful friend, you have a lot to give. Give it to someone who

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:46pm
I told him that i can't remain friends with you if we broke up. He knew that. I told him ages go. I can say that no one has ever treated him like i do, he feel the same too i know. But i am so afraid. I am so afraid that he will not come back to me and will not remember me at all. He said he doesnt' want to hurt me, but he is already hurting me!! I am so lost and confused and afriad. I know there are love, but he is rejecting it, he's refusing it and denying it. Why can't he open up his heart and love me the way he used to. HELP ME. I don't want to lose him. He doesn't want to lose me either. Is there anyway that i can revive our LOVE again? PLEASE HELP ME.

Thank you