Where's the love gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Where's the love gone?
4
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 1:55am
After 27 years of marriage my husband divorced me. I prayed and waited almost 4 years for him to get over his "midlife crisis". Finally my heart said move on and I found a male friend who after a month became a boyfriend. 3 months into my new relationship my ex-husband asked to come home. I let him, remarried him and hurt the new guy, but we stayed friends. My problem is I don't think I am "in love" with my husband anymore, even though I do love him. He does nothing for me emotionally or sexually. The ex-boyfriend on the other hand still makes my heart pound. Being faithful is getting very hard. My husband is sweet, giving, stable and a wonderful person. My ex-boyfriend has a jekyll and hyde personality. I think I jumped back into marriage too soon. How can I get "those loving feelings" back for my husband? Or should I throw in the towel and go for the gusto with my unpredictable ex-boyfriend?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 6:56am

have you gone thru therapy after the divorce? have you and your husband been thru therapy since you got back together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 7:53am

Well, the reason why you don't have feelings for your husband, and do have feelings for your ex is because you are building your "relationship" with him up in your head and making it an impossible comparision to meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 4:01pm
::My ex-boyfriend has a jekyll and hyde personality.

This kind of unpredictible personality may seem exiciting but even if you left your husband for him, I would imagine you still wouldn't be happy.

Reading material if you want to work it out with your husband:

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

Also consider couples counseling to deal with the issues. As long as your 'friend' is in the picture you will be unable to devote the time, energy and effort into your marriage.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:55pm
We're in therapy now. Finding out I can't let go of past and he can't understand how deeply I was hurt. We seem to be going in circles.