Who Do I Believe?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Who Do I Believe?
7
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 12:09am

Hi,

I was told yesterday that my boyfriend had been dirty dancing at a bar with a girl he went to high schhol with, then they started making out, and then he asked here to go home with him.....I found out because the girl who says this happened told my friend about this, not knowing he was my boyfriend....so, of course I found out. But I don't know what to belive....he says they were just dancing and willingly admited to it before i told him what I heard, and she still sticks to here story. Do I have a cheating boyfriend, or a drunk girl who just hopes she can get with my boy?? I don't know what to do, because I don't want to put up with a guy who would do this, but I find it really difficult to believe a girl i don;t know, and not believe my boyfriend after we've been going out for just about 2 years. And he still lives at home, so why would he try to take a girl home knowing his Mom would find out? We get along really well, so she would probably advise me to talk to him if she knew somethign was up. But, maybe he's just a really good lier! Help! I'm so confused, and this is really hurting the both of us!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 8:37am

Why, after two years, are you with someone that you cannot trust? I am not saying that he didnt do anything....In fact, I think Im saying the exact opposite. Why would this girl lie?Does she know you and what would she gain by lying about a guy she didnt know you were even dating?


I

**marsexpert**
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 10:59am
You should believe the person who has no reason to lie.

Why would the girl make that up to your friend ? She has no reason. You say she didn't know even know that the girl she was telling this to was your friend so you think she just goes around lying about it?

Your boyfriend has every reason to lie. He knows he has almost gotten caught and he will lie to cover his butt so he does not get in trouble with you.

here's my story:

I was sort of seeing a guy. He acted like he was really into me. He hung out with me and friends. Then one night one of my friends was out with her other group of girls. One of the girls introduced her man of more than a year, and it was the guy that had been dating me! My friend did not say anything at that moment but she did call me and tell me. Then later on she confronted her friend (when her boyfriend wasn't around) told her how she had seen her boyfriend with me, kissing, etc. and I had NO idea he was dating anyone else.

Well, she talked to her boyfriend and he denied everything even though myself and my friend had no reason to lie about this. She ended up staying with him and believing his lies. She can have him. I did NOT want him at all once I found out he was a liar, but she's stupid for believing him.

Girls don't generally go around lying about this stuff. Usually when a girl does lie to you about something your man has done to get you upset, she will make up a story and come to your face and tell you and she will usually be a friend of yours, not a stranger.

It's pretty clear he was trying to get with this girl. Maybe he wasn't really planning on taking her home, but perhaps to a friend's house? or planning on meeting up again? it does not matter.. lose him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 4:06pm

While you may not think she has a reason to lie, there is a saying, and I won't quote it correctly, but it goes something like, Don't believe a woman when she has a man in her sights. So you really have no clue if she's interested in your guy and would want to see the two of you break up.....

But it's clear something happened, he even admitted to dancing with her before you brought it up, that's a good sign. Consider going with him next time.

AND most of all TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:08pm

Thank you so much for your advice! I had been thinking along the same lines as you, and it's so great to hear someone else who looks at it that way.

I've been talking to my boyfriend and we've talked many things through, and decided to give it another chance.....and he knows he has to be very careful from now on and there are a few things he'll have to work on! And I'll be going out with him next time! lol But, most importantly, I followed my heart, and it told me to give things another chance! I'm happy with my decision.....even if some people may think I'm a little stupid....but hey, the decision's mine!

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 8:49am
i agree with the other girls that girl has no reason to lie. my past experiances with guys it sounds to me he is not trustworthy. everytime he goes out now your going to wonder what he's doing and it's going to kill you inside. don't do that to yourself. there is alot of jerks out there but there still are good ones too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 9:26am

What does your gut tell you? You that feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach that you can't just let go of? That is what will tell you who and what to believe.

However, from the sound of your story, I think that your boyfriend is not being completely honest with you about his evening with this girl. The fact that he would dirty dance with another woman while in a relationship with you is disturbing by itself, regardless of whatever else happened that evening.

I think the fact that you are soo confused says that you do have some doubt about your boyfriend and his story and this girl and hers. I go back to what I said initially, look within yourself and you will find the answer.

Good Luck!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:40am

If you've been with him for two years and he's been honest and faithful, (and he did tell you about the dancing before you heard about it from her) - I would vote for believing him. You don't know this girl or anything about her. People do exaggerate and you don't know what she had in her mind, or why she told that to your friend. Where would he have taken her, if he lives at home? There are many details which are questionable here. If you cannot let go of this, have your friend find out more of these details from her. See if she has a solid answer. See if her story checks out.


Don't keep accusing your boyfriend though of something he may not have done. All good relationships are based upon mutual trust and respect. Before you give up your trust for him, you should have really good, solid information and proof. And also, you need to know more about who this girl really is??


If it were me, I'd choose trusting the boyfriend.


All good wishes,

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