Who has gotten over his porn favoritism?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Who has gotten over his porn favoritism?
1
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 12:56am
I dated a guy who had problems 'getting it off' with me. I figured it was him. I asked him early on if he had any porn and the answer was no. So I build my relationship mentally with that picture.

We decide to buy a house - and one week before closing it turns out this man is addicted to pornography (work laptop he brings home to access porn over the internet, penthouse, playboy, and numerous vidoes that I never saw because I don't snoop...)

We buy the house, the crap comes for a bit before he gets the balls to send an email to cancel (he's too chicken to call anyone...) A year goes by and he prefers masturbation over me. After 3 months of no sex, I catch him jacking off right after he suggested I go outside to water some plants. Bone straight up, he pretented to be changing shorts to wash the cars... (that's how vivid the image is burned in...)

Second or third year he's back jacking off to internet porn -- again, preferring it over me. He blames it on me - I don't come on to him. However, when I do, it's slam, bam, thank you mam. Woman experience pleasure? Not in his tiny brain. I just have to dress up in skanky things for him to get off, apparently.

Has anyone had this sort of problem? If so, how did you 1) cope and 2) accept?

PS - what pisses me off to no end is that I always have to cope or change or accept. Never him - oh-no.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 2:19pm

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umm, why? there is an option - its called: KICK HIS SORRY B*TT to the curb. why do we always think that we HAVE to stay in a relationship? you are not happy - and you are absolutely entitled to have a normal and satisfying sex life. he is happy with the way things are. HE is not going to change. so you can - accept him the way he is or leave the relationship.


i was married for seven years to a man who couldn't or wouldn't have sex. it was more than just being impotent - he was really just disgusted by the whole thing. or couldn't be bothered. (i still haven't figured it out). somehow - of course - this was *MY* fault - and i spent quite a lot of those seven years trying to "help" him, trying to be nice about it, trying not to talk and complain about it - because he kept convincing me that he was able to perform if i would be 'nice enough' to him. so - after seven long and hellish years - i finally left.


(and i also learnt something - yes, HE has a REAL problem. but *I* also was willing to put up with this for so long and that said something about ME. which i was able to explore, quite a bit, with a therapist. just a thought for you...)