Who is right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Who is right?
11
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 12:55am
So I have a problem. I have told my live-in boyfriend that I don't want him to talk to girls on the internet because it always ends up sexual. While talking to a "friend" he asked for lets say..below the waist shots..and pictures of breasts. He thinks that his behavior is acceptable yet tells me that I am not allowed to talk to guys that i have known for more than 5 years. I never get sexual with these guys..they are purely friends, i am only interested in him. Is it still ok for me to check on old friends yet ask that he not have sexual based conversations with his "friends"??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 5:04am

Your live-in boyfriend obviously has no respect for you or he wouldn't be talking to any women about anything sexual at at all. Do you really want a future with a man who thinks it's okay to ask for naked pictures of other women?? Eww!! You can do better than that.

Coolas

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 10:37am

Of course. There is something crazy going on here. It is absolutely inappropriate for him to have these sexually based conversations with women while he is in relationship with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 12:52pm

Welcome to the board btrflyhigh04,


There is no problem with you talking to old friends. There is a huge problem with him asking females for sexually explicit pictures. Plus, there is a huge difference between these two things. If he had any respect for you or your relationship he wouldn't be asking women for these things.

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Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 12:55pm

Neither my fiance nor I have 'sexual' conversations with ANYONE except for each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 1:48pm

Thank you all so much for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 2:23am

Cyber-cheating is still cheating. I would say to be careful about going to your pastor about this. First, if your bf will continue at this church whether you break up or not, that could be a problem with some pastors/churches. Also, unless your pastor has a degree in counseling, remember that he is a lay person, not a professional. He can guide you spiritually, not mentally.

You need to make your boundaries crystal clear, what they are, what you are willing to live with and what you aren't, etc. These are not ultimatums. Ultimatums are telling *him* what to do. Boundaries are telling him what *you* will live with and what you won't. Once those are made clear, if he continues to go over the lines of the boundaries that you are willing to live within, he is disrespecting you at the very least.

Feel free to pop over to the Cyber-Cheating and Emotional Affairs board, too. You can link in via my siggy.

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I am unable ot give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 12:43pm
Good luck with the talk. Please let us know if you can do anything else for you, and please feel free to hang out on the board and post anytime.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 2:32pm
OMG ~ your bf has AXED the relationship and you're trying to save it ??

Northkountry          

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 9:56pm
I disagree that you need to talk to a counselor. You are with someone who doesn't respect you, a pastor isn't going to change that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 10:04pm
The only reason that I really want to try to save our relationship is because I'm 4 months pregnant with our child.

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