Who is the right one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Who is the right one?
2
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 10:12am

Anyone would be thrilled to be in my shoes...three guys doting on me! But it's not all its cracked up to be. I'm in my mid twenties, have a house, dog, and a great job. I come from a supportive family and helpful friends, but "just take it slow and see what happens" isn't working. I want a family and kids. Here is the short version on each guy. Can you help me pick the right one?

Guy #1 - I dated him for 6 months. A few weeks ago I asked for a break to figure some things out. He's respected that, but still calls to let me know he's thinking about me, and that he is capable of change. He is in the military. He has a young daughter (who doesn't live with him, but he does spend time with her) from a one night stand with a friend in college. He parties and drinks a little more then I'd like. He's taken trips with friends and spent the night drinking and going to afterparties at strangers places. He says he's never cheated, and I do beleive him, but the whole scene bothers me. I'm not a fan of drinking. He didn't help me move because there was a big sporting event on, which drove my parents crazy. On the positive side though, we have this undeniable chemistry between us. He is charming and confident! He showers me with fun gifts. He's been a part of my life for 6 months, because we have a ton of fun together. Is he capable of making the changes I'd need him to make to have a future with him?

Guy #2 - I meet him about a month ago. We talked alot, as our friends are all friends. we went on one date, which was pretty good. He hasn't dated anyone in 10 years (he's 31), so his actions were almost too unnatural and deliberate. He was sweet and sent flowers the next day. He is a perfect gentleman, and the nicest person you will ever meet. He's asked me out more, but I've been busy studying. I don't feel any chemistry with him though, and I'm not attracted to him. Being with him though... he'd give me everything I could ever ask for and would never treat me bad.

Guy #3 -Two weeks ago at a friends wedding, I ran into her cousin, who I went to high school with too. Turns out he moved to the area I happen to live in. We've gone out a few times, and there is chemistry there. However, I know he is desperate having tried to get girls for four years and it not working out since he left college. He has faced some depression because of this and I wonder if he's into me, or the idea of me. Still, he's fun to be around, has a great job, and I'm pretty close with his family, who I adore. Having grown up together we have many shared experiences and background that makes him comfortable to be around.

I worry that I will pick the wrong one and regret it later. I'd like to think that when you meet the right person you know it... so shouldn't this be easier? My dad says date all three and see what happens. (There is too much history with guy #1 for that to work anyway). And I'm reaching a point that a decision needs to be made. Guy #2 is going to figure out I'm avioding him. But should I even be doing that? Guy #1 is going to stop fighting for us soon enough. My heart is still with him, even if my family/friends and brain say that there isn't a long term future there. Guy #3 is going to want things to be serious and for me to stop seeing other people soon. Am I ready for that?

Thanks for your advice!! It is definately needed!

Clarieann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 12:47pm

You haven't dated any of these men long enough to be fretting over all of this. Take your time and date them (none of the exclusively at this point!) and find out if any of them is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Get real about all of this and quit thinking that you have a choice to make now. Just weed through them over time and you will find your answer.

Frani

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 7:33pm

Welcome to the baord Claireann,


The sort answer: None of the above.