why am I obsessing over this jerk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
why am I obsessing over this jerk?
10
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 12:30am

Heres the background-about 7months ago a man moved upstairs from me...He is approx 12yrs younger than I & we met via our dogs...Since we are both here with no family (I've been here longer) & w/few friends we began spending alot of time together-of course through the dogs-He has come to my apartment every night until recently to get me for our nightly 4mile dog walk...This summer I had surgery recovering from a 3yr illness.


I will admit-my 1st impression of this male was he was very immature & a bit obnoxious-he has an ego a mile long & he isnt handsome at all!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 11:18am

Welcome to the board boise2007,


I guess I am confused as to why you are mad at him for

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 12:52pm

Welcome to the board boise2007,


I'd say you are obsessing because you had/have feelings for this guy and instead of acknowledging them a long time ago, you denied them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Thu, 12-20-2007 - 2:19pm

Ok logically i understand this you are right we started out as buds not "dating"....as for the response why am I mad about dating other women?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 12:18pm

#1 - not everyone reacts or interacts the same way we do. Maybe your reaction sent him running. Maybe he's not good at dealing with messy feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 4:44pm

Well I am glad your advice is free-if I wanted to read a self-help book I would have bought one....I've spoken to other women & male friends alike & asked for their honest feedback -none of them could find it in their hearts to think his behavior was exceptable...as for the olive branch I have tried multiple times-the point is even though I'd like to blame myself so I could find a way to fix it-the point is there wouldn't have been an over-reaction if he didnt present the situation in the 1st place!!! Bottomline I need to stop being hurt & get angry bacuae no matter what a "real" man would never tell a women he is going out with another women (real or made up)the night b-4 he is to leave town on a romantic weekend with another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 6:47pm

I didn't realize you had tired so many times with the olive branch. It's hard to give advice when only hearing part of the story, left out details etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 7:10pm
There must be something that he has that intrigues you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 2:18am

Thanks-I wish I really knew what was intriging me-I think a friend summed it up today-they said no-one likes to be conned & since they live here know both of us & his daily behavior it's easier for them to comment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 2:30am
I think first impressions mean a lot..he seemed like an immature jerk and what is it that he was at the end nothing but an immature jerk. however I think you lied not only to him but yourself you should've told him your true feelings from the start you said you would be friends you're sending him mixed messeges, if you want to be with him then be with him if you dont then dont be jealous of that he talks of other women. its not fair to him thats why he felt comfortable talking about other women. ASk yourself if it really matters how old he is? does it really matter that much or are you just using a lot of excuses in order to not have feelings for him. The problem with feelings is that we cant stop them. if you like him go after him dont hesistate you wil just regret it later. give him a chance but see what you;re getting yourself into. But dont run after him. If he is a man he will come to you. Otherwise you realy do have a big baby in your hands and as a mature woman you dont want that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 2:54am

you are very right-& I don't want to use excuses doesn't help especially since i am the one looking for feedback...I do want to clarify something though-2 things actually we all start out as friends & if there is something more it develops so yes at 1st we were just "friends" friends are suppose to nuture each other not find ways to 1 up them or hurt their feelings knowingly-my opinion- so for the 1st point-there weren't any other women these were made up stories either past relationships that he was trying to put into the present or simply fabrications......He was with me almost every single day for 7months when we wern't at work....yes of course he went out every Wednesdy w/ a buddy & would would tell me about this girl or that girl he met -that was ok.....It was the intimate details that he shared that bothered me....do I need to say more?