why cant he be that man

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2004
why cant he be that man
1
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 12:53pm
My husband and i have been married for 5yrs and have two kids together. Latley i have been feeling very unhappy. Ive found out things about my husband that i dont like. Hes always kinda told me lies about typical stuff like about lending money or beeing out drinking. But lately ive found out more serious lies such as drug use and things that happened last summer. Im very hurt by this because i used to view him as my best friend and now i dont trust what he says. He seems to think that he lies to protect me but i tell him its to protect himself. He drinks alot and in the past yr we have been though alot financily (filed bankrupcy and moved). It seems like everytime i talk to him hes lying about something even if it is supid like how many drinks he had or if he is drinking..So anyways i find myself wondering if i can live like this. I dont know if its a fanticy but i want a man who comes home after work on time. and runs in the door and hugs the kids and i. It seems like my husband dosent want to do anything with us. and sometimes i feel like the only time he loves me is when he wants sex..He tells me im being silly and he loves us more than anything. But i want more out of life, i would like to have another child but i feel like i cant because i dont want to be left home all the time with no help while hes out parting.

He keeps telling me hes going to change but its very slow going.

Am i settling for something just because its already there??

Sometimes i feel like the kids and i deserve better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 5:30pm
He needs to put his money where his mouth is. If he's not willing to change for himself, meaning if he's only telling you what he wants to hear, he won't change because he thinks there is nothing wrong with his behavior, his choice to lie to you. Tell him you want to go to couneling with him to rebuild the trust. If he won't go with you, you'll know where you stand with him and your marriage. If he won't go, go by yourself. It will give you a safe place to vent, gain perspective and to make a decision. My best to you.


Carrie