Why can't I get over this?!
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Why can't I get over this?!
| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:50am |
I'm 19 and I'm in a serious relationship with someone. We've been together for about 8 months and since we go to school together, we see each other everyday. My problem is with his past; I can't seem to get over it. He's not a player or anything like that, but he had some sexual experiences (which he initiated w/older women) when he was 13 and he made the mistake of sharing them with me when I asked about it. I also just get upset sometimes thinking about the girls he's hooked up with and kissed. I've done my share of dating, but I don't know why I can't get past this. I love him and this is the best relationship I've even been in; everyone around us thinks we're great together and we are, except that I can't seem to get past this. I trust him, but I just get really upset by his past, to the point where sometimes it makes me cry. I've talked to him about it but he hates seeing me so upset and doesn't know what to do except not mention his past at all (everything that I know I've asked about, he hasn't volunteered it). Please help!

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Elizabeth
ezizabef@sbcglobal.net
*ezizabef*
No person can change the past. STOP holding this against him in negative light. Live for the positives of today and the future. Its a choice you can easily make. His past has nothing to do with you but your future may if you treat him with respect, honor and dignity. You're not doing that right now. I suggest you start treating him with respect, honor and dignity while accepting personal accountability on your own behalf to live a positive life now.
You're concerned becuase he's obsessed with you giving him oral vs. having actual sex. And you're wondering if some other girl did oral better than you - since he's had so much sexual experience and he wants primarily oral sex with you.
Get over that...the visual for a guy getting oral is fabulous...I'm female...but even I could see the turnon in it, if I were a guy.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
ok - so you have two separate issues here - his past (which you can't seem to separate from his 'present') and the problems with your sex life.
i agree that his past is HIS past. i also understand where you might have a problem with the specific facts of his past. but you need to decide if this is something you can accept (and accept means putting it aside and not thinking about it) or not. if not - then you need to move on. a person's past is his past - but if you feel that the past affects the present, or that he hasn't really changed from the 13 YO he used to be - then something is off.
regarding your sexual issues ---- you need to DEAL with this (by getting outside help, because obviously talking isn't working). or again - move on. it sounds like HE has some sexual issues, and if this is a problem for you - then its a problem.
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