why did i stay
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why did i stay
| Thu, 04-08-2004 - 3:05pm |
I've know this guy most of my life and we went our seperate ways when were teenages but now he's back in my life. it all started out great, things were going so wonderful then it feel apart. he asked me to marry him again (he asked in the past-teenagers) and i happily excepted. then he gave me the ring onw week later it was so special and he had gotten a tattoo of my name on his arm. i was worried because i did want him to ask me to get one so i always brushed off the conversation. la-la-la things were alright and i started my wedding planning then he started talking about having a baby i was so excited because i never had a man actually say that he wanted a baby before it was concieved. anyway, we started planning on that too then one day we went to the park and the car had broke down and the only way i could get help was to use his mother's cell phone he had borrowed. so when i mad the phone call for help another call came in. it was a girl, she was looking for my fiancee' to sum up a long story he had just broken up with her but was still speaking to her (probably still having sex) and her name was the same as mine. so we broke up and he moved out but i still wanted to be with him so he eventally came back into my life but now i was insecure. i DID NOT TRUST HIM! and i let him know that he had brokent he wall of confidence in our relationship. so we were trying to put back the pieces the last Monday i went to his mothers house for her birthday and he had no idea i was coming that morning because i never miss work and........ him and the girl were there!
the sad part is i might be pregnant and i dont know what to do. i am strongly against abortions for ME but i cant living the life he making for us. i love him dearly but i see my self going to jail for hurting him or the girl or just .....i dont know.
WHAT DO U THINK I SHOULD DO!
the sad part is i might be pregnant and i dont know what to do. i am strongly against abortions for ME but i cant living the life he making for us. i love him dearly but i see my self going to jail for hurting him or the girl or just .....i dont know.
WHAT DO U THINK I SHOULD DO!

Well, for one, I definitely don't think you should marry him, or even continue any kind of a relationship with him.
He's completely disrespectful to you. Even after you caught him cheating, he went ahead and continued to be unfaithful to you. That means that he'll likely continue to cheat on you throughout any relationship the two of you have together.
As for the pregnancy, well, hopefully you aren't. But if you are, there are other options besides abortion. Please consider adoption if you are emotionally and financially not ready for a baby. I was adopted when I was a baby, after being born to a very young (20 years old) mother who had no education, no job and wasn't married. Every single day, I am thankful to her for giving me up to parents who had the means to fully support me without struggling to do it. I have never resented her for placing me up for adoption.
Nowadays, you can choose the parents to whom you give your child up for adoption and even maintain contact with your child through the years.
To answer your question - why did I stay? Because you wanted it to work, because you wanted to believe him, because you thought you had to be in this relationship at all costs, even if it meant denying the situation for what it really was - he's a liar and a cheat. You probably thought if you loved him enough he would change, want you, be faithful, etc. Sorry you have to go through this.
So what do you do now:
1) Stop talking to him, stop seeing him, stop listening to his lies.
2) Take a pregnancy test to find out if you are preg.
3) If you aren't - whew! BUT consider counseling to deal with your self-esteem issues
4) If you are preg, go to counseling ASAP - talk about your options - what you want, how you see your future - find out how you feel about adoption (a gal in my office just gave a baby up for adoption, she knows she made a family very happy and she's dealing with it), at the same time address the self-esteem issues
5) Talk to family for support
6) If you decide to keep the baby (if you are preg) then make an appt with an attorney to start getting paperwork in order for child support / proving he's the father, etc.
Reading material:
When Your Lover is a Liar, Susan Forward
Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher
Olive Juice...and Other Thoughts on Love, Heartbreak and Moving Forward by Eric Champnella
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
The Courage to be a Single Mother by Sheila Ellison
My best to you.
Carrie