Why did my bf withdraw/ lose interest??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Why did my bf withdraw/ lose interest??
4
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 8:03pm
Now I’ve been dating this for about 2 months but we knew each other since last year. The first time we spoke on the phone it lasted for a whopping 13hours without the slightest awkward pause and the only reason we got off the phone was to get ready for our first date that night. He was always way more into me than I was to him but that changed after our first date. It was absolutely amazing and I felt totally comfortable with him which is rare. He ran into some financial hardships(becoming homeless) and I naturally helped him out finding him a place to stay and providing money along with food. He thanked me graciously but all the passion we once had in our relationship left. He told me how much he liked me,that he couldn’t imagine his life without me in it, and how it would affect him. Now we came to an agreement that we would take things slow because we both were not ready for a commitment but that we would not cheat and that we acknowledge each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Things were great, I rarely called him because he called me everyday and we spoke 2-4 hours each day. We devoted one day out of the week to spend together and I found him a place 15 minute away from mine. Everything was good until I suggested that we should have some space so that he can enjoy his time with his friends. I told him that he didn’t have to spend time with me one weekend and that he should hang with the boys(who were very fond of me). He agreed and when he returned after that faithful weekend with little details and a tone I’ve never heard I knew something was up. He began the big word DISTANCE and I was devasted because I knew what followed. He stopped calling as frequently, he only called once every 3 days with five minute conversations. He sounded disinterested and uninvolved in me and my life, let alone the conversation. He cut it as short as possible, he stopped keeping the promises of calling back(his phone and car were stolen when he became homeless but he called everyday from a payphone, sat on the curb and talked to me for hours). What changed? Well for one I was a commodities broker specializing in precious metals, I quit because they refused to pay me my commission properly. He took great pride in me having my own life and fitting him into my busy schedule. I had saved enough money in the bank so that I could buy a condo on South Beach which we had planned to live together. Now my schedule was open to him and he had me available more. I didn’t call him, and when I did it was once a week. Juan is saying that the reason for him not calling as frequent is that he’s working more at work(I check on him regularly without him knowing from the operator at his work, the story checks out) but I know no matter how busy a guy is he has time for the woman he’s interested in. Excuses Excuses Excuses 3000, I decided to break it off, I called his friend and told him to tell Juan to call me asap it’s an emergency. Juan called a few hours later, I asked him what the issue was, what’s the reason for the distant, he just told me,” Nothing I’ve been working a lot lately”, I responded saying,” You know I’m not in the business of keeping a man that doesn’t want to be kept and I’m never afraid to let go so you need to be honest with me now because the excuses are bullsh**, I’m not stupid”, just when I was about to say it’s over between us he stopped me saying,” Hold on David has someone calling him”. I was livid, got damn it, let’s make it official instead of avoiding the inevitable. Don’t get me wrong I would love to stay with this man and make it work but I know things have changed and I am not going to waste part of my life dragging along someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I refuse to live in regrets, and with a broken heart, I and every woman in America deserves a man who loves them. I haven’t spoken to Juan in about two days, if he calls I don’t know whether to try to work things out with the man I once had such a strong connection to or break it off and learn from my mistakes. Keep in mind I am a curvy Libra and he’s a gym buff Sagittarius, he’s never been in love, never had a commitment, and has never made indications that he wasn’t attracted me. We are both 21yr olds. Ladies and gentleman tell your opinions on why guys lose interest and ways to keep interest or way to keep distance at a minimal. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 12:48am

Welcome to the board ashleyphat24,


It was hard to read your post without any paragraph breaks, but I made it through.


Could be that your relationship just went too hot and heavy to quickly and burned out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 5:58am

There's a couple of things you mention which make me wonder if he thought you were blowing him off:

>>I told him that he didn’t have to spend time with me one weekend and that he should hang with the boys<< Why did you do this? Was he complaining about not spending enough time with the boys? He may well have though that you were tired of him and wanting to get rid of him. Perhaps you had better things to do than hang with him?

>>I didn’t call him, and when I did it was once a week<< Why did you only call him rarely? This again is another thing that would have him feeling that you weren't into him. Why would you expect him to keep chasing you if you weren't returning the enthusiasm? After a couple of months dating, you should at least be able to pick up the phone on a 50/50 basis. Again, perhaps you weren't so into him?

Your MOST RECENT signals were showing him that you weren't so keen on him..... and he's picked up on it.

PS I agree that paragraph breaks would make your post far easier to read :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 6:00pm

Welcome to the board ashley,


Sounds to me like there is a reason he hasn't had

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 7:16pm
I'm not sure...but some of the tone in your post makes it look like you have the controlling hand in the relationship - telling him that he can go with his friends, finding him a place to live, checking in on him at work, etc. and that is a turn off.