Why did my fiance' blow up on me like that when I was just trying to be nice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2012
Why did my fiance' blow up on me like that when I was just trying to be nice?
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 10:35pm
Two weeks ago he came to me and said let's better ourselves. Let's start going to church, reading more, and praying more. We need to get better. So for the past week, I've been really trying to better myself. I made myself a goal to stop cursing, read my bible, and pray every night. My fiance' called me from work tonight and was talking to me about something, but was cursing like a sailor. He's always done this, but since I've tried to better myself it came as a shock. So I stated to him, "Quit cursing babe.".. being if you want can you not do it around me at least. That's what I was trying to say but he started yelling "Oh hell no! You will not talk to me like that.. You better f*cking stop. You know d*mn well... etc." I immediately started crying and I said "What did I do?" He comes back with you know damn well what you did. Come to find out he didn't hear me say babe. He said "You will not demand out of me. Hell no." I told him I did say babe and did not give him attitude. I asked him if he was having a rough week at work and he said nope everything's perfect this week. So I'm completely confused and on top of that crying still. I'm just trying to be a better person and I don't quite understand what I did. For the reference, he's not cheating. I keep track of the bills so I see what numbers go in and out if I do even look, but I know he's not cheating. Plus he doesn't use a computer. So don't go there if you don't mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Is this normally how your DF talks when he is upset with you about something?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Old habbits die hard . Its not a one days or 2 weeks job .
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

What has saying "babe" got to do with anything?

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

I don't know why you would mention that he's not cheating and ask us not to go there. From what you've told us, there are no signs of cheating so there's no reason why I would suggest that. Unless there is something you're not telling us?

What I do suggest is that your fiance is an extremely domineering, controlling, and verbally/psychologically abusive individual. His behavior is not normal or healthy and he's got you so well trained that you can't stop crying and question yourself when HE behaves irrationally.

He blew up at you because he felt that you were trying to tell him what to do and that's not how your relationship works. HE tells YOU what to do, not the other way around. If you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who controls and domineers you, please get out now. If you marry this man, you can expect a lifetime of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007

Just curious, WHY do you keep a track of all the incoming and outgoing calls if he hasnt given you a reason to cheat ? If you think he is then 99% chances, he is.

' Let's better ourselves ' ' we need to get better' , ' I've been really trying to better myself '

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

I'm also thinking along the lines of 'old habits die hard'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Re-reading my first reply, I realized what you meant by "I check the bills"......you mean the phone bills.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004


You are not dating a Godly man! You are dating a self-centered jerk.


Why do you think it's OK to settle for someone so immature and uninterested in anyone but himself?

The practice of faith takes time and a Godly mindset. You can "decide" to study and pray but where is your heart?

Faith aside, your BF reacted more like a teenage boy to his mother than a grown man to his girlfriend.

You can do better. Continue to pray and seek God's guidance for your life. I really think you deserve better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

The thing that struck me the most in your post was that you started to cry and immediately assumed responsibility for HIS bad actions and you are even now trying to figure out what you did wrong.